"I can explain that." Said Seras.
"Please do." Said Walter.
And she did.
Three times actually.
The first time to Walter, the Geese and myself, then she had to start over again when a disgruntled Captain Chambers came charging in with a damp, but no longer so sticky corp. Beddings demanding to know what was so blasted funny about that 'heathen she-devil' attacking one of his men. Finally, after Captain Burnadett stopped laughing, Walter selected a handful of us to troop over to Sir Integra's office to relate the hilarious content of the evenings exploits for her amusement.
Well, she wasn't so much amused as annoyed...Then interested...Then extremely, disturbingly, interested and focused on me.
"...Then after I disabled the alarm and jimmied the lock on the roof vent, I broke through the fire wall, swung down the sprinkler pipes, crawled across the drop ceiling, popped out one of the tiles and jumped down. That's when I encountered Beddings and was forced to subdue him so he wouldn't sound the alarm."
"And how precisely was that accomplished?" Asked Sir Integra.
"I, um...ahem, hit him with the tea tray and shoved him in a closet."
This story might seem horribly embarrassing for corp. Beddings but he still looked over at Seras with a mixture of gratitude and grudging respect because the full truth of the matter, if the mental images I was picking up from Seras were correct, was far more embarrassing.
Apparently, Beddings had been juggling the tray in one hand in an effort to sneak a taste of the home-made quince jelly captain Chamber's mother had sent and that said captain had requested be brought up with his evening tea. He had just gotten a spoonful into his mouth when Seras had dropped down from the ceiling. Startled, he had tossed up his arms causing the tray and its contents to go flying. Seras had caught the tray but the teapot, cup, toast and plates had all crashed to the floor and the jam pot had landed top-side down, on the poor corporal's head.
To make matters worse, he had tried to back peddle away from her only to slip and fall in a puddle of tea, all while trying to scream through a mouth full of spoon and quince jelly. Unfortunately,when Seras had gone to help him, she had also slipped on the tea and had instead ended up clocking him in the head with the tray she had forgotten she was still holding,thus knocking him unconscious and spreading jelly all down the front of his uniform.
So in actuality, Beddings had pretty much subdued himself. With just a bit of help from Seras.
All things considered, I think they both made the right choice in letting the official version stand uncontested.
Seras did however, after a gentle mental nudge from me, spill the beans about using the secret tunnel. Which was really hard for her as she was so chuffed over the proud gleam she saw in Walter's eye when she described how cleverly she had distracted me and defeated Stewart's tracking device with an air filled plastic zip lock bag filched from the kitchen.
Marks had given me a highly suspicious glance but couldn't prove a thing. Telepathy can be fun.
Also by unspoken agreement, Seras and I both decided not to mention that brief bit of blending that seemed to occur towards the end. We wanted a little time to mull this over, just between us two before others tried to jump in and analyse it.
As Seras was winding down her report to Sir Integra and answering final questions, I began to feel an itchy awareness crawling up my spine and over my scalp.
Alucard.
He was there but not there. Opening a red eye in the back of my brain and using me as an antenna of sorts to focus his non-corperal presence. A silent chuckle rolled like an oily caress across my cerebellum as he shuffled through my recent recollections comparing them to what was being said tsking once or twice over our little white omissions. " I see that I am going to have to tutor the two of you on the art of lying. You're pathetic, the both of you really and that reflects badly on me as your master."
I snorted derisively attempting to turn it into a sneeze to deflect the curious glances my interruption had gained. "Oh now that's just sad." Sent Alucard "Are you deliberately trying to embarrass me? If so, it's working."
I actually had to fake another sneeze to keep from giggling. He sounded just like my mother whenever she caught me opening a bag of Doritos or some other pesky plastic container with my expensively straightened teeth.*
*This admonition pretty much covered mastication of any and all sundry non-food items including, but not limited to; biting off my sewing thread, chewing on pens and, of course, crunching on ice. Which, while technically a food item, is quite simply, in my mother's book, just wrong. **
**Interestingly enough, the cost of straightening my teeth by my mother's calculation seemed increase exponentially with each infraction until I was quite certain, even after adjusting for inflation, that my parents had paid more more for my orthodontia than NASA had spent sending a man to the moon. Give or take a few million.
"Gesundheit'?" Said Marks sceptically as he and Walter both offered me a handkerchief.
"Interesting." Quipped Alucard. As I diplomatically dabbed my face with one of the tissues Anders had given me earlier for my bloody nose.
"Please go away." I sent as he scuttled across my frontal lobe tickling me from the inside and causing me to sneeze for real this time. "Oh, drat!" I said as my nose started bleeding again. Ack, what a mess.
"I think you look prettier that way but perhaps it's not me you wish to impress."
"Oh, go psychologically scar someone else. I'm busy here." I growled as I attempted to staunch the bleeding.
It was then I noticed everyone was looking at me funny. Had I said that last bit out loud? "Whad?" I asked, pinching my nose.
"You growled." Said Marks, smiling slightly.
"Dib by?"
He nodded, eyes twinkling.
"Oh, tell me it's not that inebriated Visigoth your trying to impress? How disappointing." Muttered Alucard, his razor edged eye scything through my brain matter.
"Ow! Get out!" I sent. Stamping my foot and earning more stares.
Sir Integra tapped her fingers on her desks impatiently. "If you are both quite through playing?" She asked with raised eyebrow.
"Of course" Came Alucard's voice directly behind me. I had felt him materialize and knew he was there but still startled slightly when his hand came down possessively on my shoulder.
An odd discourse ensued as we discussed possible practical applications for my new found skills. When it was pointed out that a schematic might not always be available for whatever structure was being scanned, it was suggested that my link with Seras could be used as a reference point to judge how close or far from the target she was. A sort of undead game of "warmer,colder,hot!" and it was agreed that we should immediately begin field testing both the range and accuracy of my abilities.
We enthusiastically began drawing up plans while Alucard blithely made both helpful and non-helpful suggestions. I participated as best I could but kept getting distracted whenever Alucard would fix his ferric gaze on the sgt. then lightly trace his fingers over the pentagram bruise on my left shoulder blade a challenging smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. Marks, in turn, would throw back a casual smile at me while thoughtfully tapping his fingers over the silver tipped wooden stake he kept strapped just behind his gun holster.
"Oh I do love the alpha males, they're so easy to bait."
"Oh and your such a sweet tempered little puppy."
"No, I am the wolf to their lap dog. Feral and powerful beyond their darkest imaginings. They may play at the hunt but I am the true predator. Their wants and desires, their very lives are of no consequence to me"
"And yet you fight beside them. Protect their lives."
"The master finds them useful so they live. It is her that I serve for as long as she has the cunning and will to control me. But this one" He said, indicating Marks. "I might have to kill him just on general principle."
"That principle being?"
"He annoys me."
I rolled my eyes.
"Besides, he dares interfere with my Angel and I did not go all this trouble just so some cur could sniff after you. I did not make you for the likes of him."
"I suppose then you 'made' me for the likes of her, that cross dressing master of yours?"
"Perhaps."
"You can not control whom I like and dislike."
"You might think so but you would be wrong. Oh sweet Angel," He said twisting a lock of my hair around his finger. "I have such wonderful plans for you. I simply will not allow something as unimportant as your delusions of free will get in the way of our success."
I snorted and thought about hiding communion wafers in his coffin.
The discussion around Sir Integra's desk began winding down. It had been decided that as soon as I could pass a final field test driving the Tortoise I would be sent out with the Geese on a mission.
"She shan't be exiting the vehicle but I suppose we should still arm her so she's not totally defenceless." Said Sir Integra. "Can you fire a gun Doyle?"
"Well..."
"Well what? Can you shoot or not?"
"Oh, I can shoot a gun, no problem. Hitting the target well, that's another matter." I said, thinking back on my one and only mortifying trip ever to a firing range.
This earned me an an icy stare from Sir Integra and an amused smile from Alucard as he retrieved the mental image of the one spot on the assailant target I had finally managed to hit. "Well that would certainly slow a human male down but I am not certain how effective it would be on a ghoul."
I flushed and bit my tongue.
"Always aim for the head or the heart." Seras chimed in helpfully.
"Oh, she hit the head all right." He chuckled. "Just not the one you're thinking of."
Seras blushed and smothered a giggle as Alucard sent her the image.
The captain smiled as he tut, tutted me with a finger. "Very naughty of you Chanson. We best be careful with the safety when we train her then, eh Marks?"
Marks grinned and even Sir Integra twitched her lips slightly.
I ground my teeth and wondered out loud about getting my hands on some holy water. Which just made Alucard laugh harder.
"I think it would be best for me to handle this aspect of Ms. Doyle's training." Said Walter quietly and without a trace of humor.
"Yes." Said Sir Integra, her gaze sliding across the room's occupants thoughtfully. "I think that would be best."
The captain looked indifferent, Marks seemed mildly annoyed, Alucard, as always, looked smug and Walter, well, as far as I could tell under his placid façade, seemed I guess the word would be satisfied.
I can only assume this was because with that statement, this whole messy, jam filled, fruit throwing, nose bleeding, target shooting incident could be drawn to a close and some semblance of order restored to his domain. I was more than happy to comply.
