I
continued to grumble as Stewart cheerfully dumped me into a chair by his
station then grumbled a bit more just on general principle as he booted
up his laptop until I remembered the primary purpose of my visit
whereupon I slid my chair up next to his, pasted a friendly, interested
smile on my face and leaned in on the pretext of better seeing the
screen. He raised his eyebrows but continued loading the program. He
began walking me through the analysis. He made no comment when I
shifted in just a bit closer but he did begin absently stroking my hair
with one hand while hovering the other protectively over the keyboard. When I asked him later why he was petting me he mumbled something vague about cats and ex-girlfriends but in the meantime, I had a decent excuse to test my reactions to his close proximity and get in a good sniff.
Not to bad. A sort of Old spice and copper penny smell mixed with just a dash of melted wire insulation thrown like an afterthought. I glanced over at him as he synced up my EEG s with the sound files.
His skin was the colour of fine porcelain so pale that you could trace the thin blue blood vessels beneath the surface. This went nicely with the deep blue streaks of dye he had running randomly through his midnight black hair which he wore in a short Mohawk styled at the front into a pompadour and a duck tail in the back. The florescent lighting of the room glinted off numerous piercings and countless tattoos peeked out from the collar and ripped off sleeve holes of his bowling shirt. It was if somehow, he were the love child of Elvis Presley and Sid Viscus.
Stewart has this amazing affinity for both music and technology. There isn't an instrument he can't play or a piece of hardware he can't fix or re-purpose. He mostly runs the tech and communications for the Geese but he can also blow the chest out of a ghoul with hip shot from his Browning at 600 yards.
He caught me peeking at him. "Scientific experiment." I said cryptically.
"Well, if it's for science." He said shrugging then flashed me bemused but accepting grin.
Very little fazes Stewart and he genuinely seems to enjoy a certain level of bizarre and eccentric behaviour in others which is probably why he gets on so famously well with Zelig...and the rest of us for that matter. Besides, he's what, 22 maybe, we both know that I'm more likely to pinch his cheek and knit him a sweater than jump his bones. Not that I'm old mind you or that he's not kinda cute in a weird pasty metallic sort of way and we both like a lot of the same music...but...no. I definitely did not feel any sudden urges to jump in his lap and kiss him. Not that I think he would mind.
My next unsuspecting volunteers were Griffin, Blaven and Bulls. Stewart had gone off to his room to grab a CD he had burned for me leaving me to guard the laptop and I, of course, had immediately jumped onto Iwon.com to play mah-jong. The three Geese, sensing a weakness in the defence of the coveted technology, had swooped in without hesitation.
They descended in a transparently casual pincher movement pretending mere interest in observing perhaps with the occasional comment or suggestion but within two minutes of matching my first tiles I was surrounded on all sides and forced to sit helplessly and watch as three overly ripped space marines battled it out with the demon hordes. It was like being in a testosterone well.
"I would think you would get enough of that in real life." I said wryly.
"Hoosh up woman, were training like." Said Bulls as he moved his Doomguy into a more defensible position.
"Yeah, training." Affirmed Griffin.
Blaven simply grunted his agreement.
"'Sides," Continued Griffin. "Sarge locked us out of the World of Warcraft account."
"Why?" I asked from the depths of the man cave.
"Said we were spendin' too much time in the tavern."
"And with the bawdie gurls." Said Bulls.
"Mmmm...Betty" Added Blaven.
"God, Jet, don't you start in bou't that she-male again!"
"Hey! your talkin' bout the woman I love."
"Ha!" Barked Griffin. "Anyways," He continued. "Turns out ya can run through a lot of cash real fast in places like that."
"Verra fast." Agreed Bulls. "tch, Watch yer flank there Jet."
"Yeah, yeah." Groused Blaven.
"So you blew all your fake gold in a fake bar buying fake beer for fake women and perhaps a fake transvestite?"
"Tavern." Corrected Griffin.
"Sorry, tavern."
"Pretty much yeah."
"So, what's the problem?"
"Well," Hedged Griffin. "Turns out that in addition ta fake gold, this particular tavern and those particular girls accept Visa."
"What?"
"And MasterCard." Added Blaven.
"Boot noot Discover." Finished Bulls.
"Your kidding right?"
"Nope."
"But...why?"
"Why not?" Griffin shrugged.
"Dare I ask how much?"
"Bout 8,000 last month."
"Dollars?" I gasped.
"Nah, pounds."
"What? That's more than $12,000! That could almost pay my mortgage for a year and you idiots spent it all on pretend beer and fake women?"
"Well, mostly on the women." Said Griffin. And they ain't so much fake as virtual...'cept mabey 'Betty'. That chick's definitely fake.
"You should show more respect for the future mother of my virtual children."
"Still say she's a dude." Said Griffin.
"Not in Azeroth she wern't." Sniggered Blaven. "Don't care if she's a hairy plumber in the normals she still gave the best b.."
"I really don't think I need to know this." I said loudly.
"I was going to say, um, back rubs."
"If I say I believe you, can we please move on?" I asked hopefully.
"Yuz one sick dude Jet." Said Griffin.
"Says you Porn."
"Damn straight says me. And if I think somthin's sick then you know it's really got ta be twisted."
"I am actually willing to pay you money to stop talking about this right now."
"Don't see why we need to be punished." Whined Blaven. "Captain spent more than that all by hisself just at the bawdy house and Sarge didn't block his account."
"That's because the Captain didn't use the company's credit card to pay his bill." Came Sergeant Mark's voice cutting through the haze of testosterone. "You idiots can piss your pay checks down the Thames for all I care but keep your thieving fingers off my bottom line or next time the bits I chop off won't be virtual ones starting with your teeny, tiny little di..."
Unfortunately, just at that moment, the Doom war demon assault escalated causing both Bulls and Griffin to jerk back on their controllers while simultaneously driving their elbows into my chest. I squeaked in distress.
"What? Is that that you in there Liebst?" Asked Marks.
"Yes. Oof."
"Why?...Dress up your flank there Blaven."
"Sir!"
"Well, I was playing Mah-jong but..Ouch! Hey! Mind where you put those elbows guys."
"Posh! Yer a nicely squishy gel Corrine." Observed Bulls. "Quite braw. My elbows doon't mind it a bit."
"Yeah," Agreed Griffin. "But I can kiss and make it better if you'd like."
"Try it Griffin and I'm going to help Marks start chopping off your teeny tiny..."
"Ain't nothin' teeny about me sweetheart." Growled Griffin. "For example my..."
"That's It!" Shouted Marks. "Get the hell off her!" His right hand came down to grip Bulls' collar jerking him up and back while his left hand shoved hard on Griffin's shoulder toppling him sideways out of his seat. Blaven, it seems, had ghosted away at the first hint of trouble.
"No more second chances Griffin," Growled the sergeant. "Next time I'll take your head off."
"Wern't like that Sarge I swear." Whined Griffin. "We was just messin' about wasn't we Corrine?"
"Um. Yes?" I hazarded. Unsure what was going on.
"It had better been." Said Marks sternly.
"It's true Sergeant." Confirmed Bulls. "Naught but a bit o' teasing. Ye know we'd ne'er harm our Corrine."
"Aww." I said touched.
Marks looked mildly mollified.
"Side's," muttered Griffin. "she started it."
"What? I never!"
"Aye, ye did gel." Said Bulls. "Ye led oos on."
"In your dreams!"
"So yer sayin you aint been playn' snuffle bunny with all of us tonight?"
"I, um, well.." I glanced up at Marks who was looking a bit shocked. "It's not like it sounds."
"Do tell." Said a grinning Burnadett. When had he come in?
"Well..." I started. "Well..."
"Someone has exactly 30 seconds to tell me what the hell is going on before I kill Griffin."
There was dead silence in the room.
"And Bulls." Added Marks.
"Corrine brought in brownies and started a fight." Offered Zelig.
"Then Zelig called her a fat prostitute so she assaulted an innocent bystander." Complained Sherman rubbing his chest.
"She's smelling us for science." Shrugged Stewart.
"Traitors." I hissed at them and was treated to a collective shrug.
"I see." Said Marks flatly. He glanced at me with a raised eyebrow.
"I was collecting data for an important experiment." I sniffed defensively.
"Well," He said, lowering himself into the chair from which he had just extracted Bulls, a slow smile spreading across his face. "If it's for science then..."
"Non!" Snapped Burnadett. "I will not have this. Mon Dieu! Experimenting on my men?" He wagged an accusatory finger in my direction. "Treating them as you would a guinea pig. It is contraire a l’éthique! Shame on you Chanson." I blinked at him nonplussed until he added. "If a pretty lady is going to conduct inappropriate experiments on the men of this squad," He grinned and tapped me on the nose. "she had best be conducting them on me first!"
"Ah," I said "Brave man."
"Of course." He said sliding smoothly into Griffin's old chair. "What kind of commander would I be if I were to allow my men to face such danger if I am not willing to face it myself?"
"Oh ho?" Quipped Marks from my other side. "Since when?"
"Ignore the ugly man on your right Chanson." Said the captain airily. "We are wasting time." He gripped my shoulders and tugged me gently but purposefully towards him. "I insist on being nuzzled immediately!"
"So you're volunteering to be my guinea pig?" I asked playfully.
He leaned in closely. "Mais oui-eeek." He murmured into my ear.
I laughed and, blushing profusely, proceeded to assess the scent of the fearless leader of the Wild Geese.
He smelled quite pleasant actually, especially when you consider how many of those god-awful cigarettes he smokes each day, sort of a cherry wood smoke and Sen-Sen under-layered by the woodsy scent of Rochas Man. I inhaled deeply so he knew I was taking the experiment seriously. It was enjoyable in a warmth of human contact sort of way and he is wickedly handsome but I did not feel in the least bit um, interested. He smelled good but there was just something missing. Something, perhaps, like linen and spray starch and, well...shoot...I wasn't going to go there.
I sighed and tried to lean back but Burnadett had taken advantage of the situation and slid over and leaned into me until I was practically sitting in Mark's lap. "Excuse me sir," I said as politely as I could as I felt a moist warmth brushing my earlobe. "Just who's nuzzling who here? Eeep! Hey! No biting. There is a definite no biting rule!"
"Well, that's disappointing." Rumbled the sergeant against my back.
"Not biting." Corrected the captain. "Nibbling. Guinea pigs like to nibble." He whispered wickedly in my ear. "Just...so." He said leaning in for another nip.
"Bad guinea pig. Bad!" I laughed pushing him back with a finger against his chest. "No nibbling on the scientists. No carrots for you!"
He frowned. "Not even one carrot?" His face became quite tragic. "Not even my little special crunchy carrot for me to take back and nibble on in my lonely cage?"
"Especially not that carrot."
"She can nibble me back." He said coyly. I would quite like that."
"No."
"You are cruel Chanson, very cruel." He said sadly. He sighed and sprawled back into his chair.
"Ah well." He shrugged. He lit a cigarette and swung his feet up onto the table narrowly missing the laptop. "C'est la guerre. So Chanson," He said with casual disinterest, tilting back his chair and frowning at an imaginary speck of dust on his scuffed boots. "how went the experiment? Did my fresh, yet manly scent please you?"
"Fresh yet manly?" Grinned Marks. "You lose man points for that one Burnadett."
The captain waived a dismissive hand. "It matters not, as long as it pleases the ladies." He tilted his head and beamed charm at me. "And it does please the ladies does it not Chanson?"
"You smell quite nice Pip." I assured him. "Both fresh and manly."
"There, you see? Man-ley." He said smugly. "And irresistible to Women. I believe that is double man points to me Marks."
"De-lusional more like." Snorted Marks. "But we waste valuable scientific time. Come liebst," He said tugging playfully on my ponytail. "I will be the next to volunteer."
"Oh, you always smell good." I said absently a bit distracted by his actions then clamped my mouth shut when I realized what I had just said.
"Well now." Chuckled Marks. "I am very glad to hear it. Very, glad." He rumbled into my ear then looked up at Burnadett. "You catch that 'Pip'?"
"Hmmmm, interesting." Said the captain. Raising his eyebrows and leering. "And how often is it that you are smelling our sergeant Chanson?"
"You heard her, always. I always smell good. And that," He crowed, punctuating his message with my ponytail. "means triple points for me! Now don't start blushing liebst." He said, tickling my nose with the end. "You have simply proven to be a woman of discerning taste and shall be properly rewarded." He wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "Shall I take you out to dinner tonight?"
"Oh. Um..." I said disconcerted. It was odd, I liked Marks a lot and he would seem to be a prime candidate for my experiment. So why did I hesitate? He was terribly handsome and, yes, always smelled good but there was something about him that would never let me relax. We laughed and joked and flirted outrageously at times but somehow, it always seemed a bit stilted as if we were running lines in a play. It never felt completely natural. There was something almost calculating in his courtship. I was attracted to him but always felt a bit like prey.
"You are assuming she will still be talking to us later." Pointed out the captain.
"Well, there is that." Mused Marks. "Bah, she's a good sport aren't you liebst? Not the kind of girl to hold a grudge."
"Why would I be holding a grudge?" I asked.
"Because of how badly we are going to pound you into the ground at this afternoon's exercise." He replied. "Not that I want to mind, but needs must."
"What makes you so sure your going to beat me?"
"I always have before."
"Well don't get too cocky." I said. "Lukas and I have been practising and we've got a few tricks up our sleeves."
"That's nice but it won't make a difference because I'm already in your head Corrine. No matter what you try, I'll know it first because I'm right, in, here." He said jovially tapping my forehead with the end of my braid.
I growled and managed to finally wrestle my hair from his grip but my triumph was short lived as used the opening to cop a quick feel. I slapped away his hand and scrambled back in outrage only to land in Burnadett's lap. The Capitan responded by wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder, all the better vantage point to watch the show. Pip, being, ironically, the lesser or two evils at the moment, was ignored so I could turn the full force of my anger on the sergeant.
"You arrogant....jerk!" His eyebrow rose mockingly at the lameness of my insult which, of course, just made me angrier. "Argh! That's it. You know, up until now, I was just hoping we'd make a decent showing of it but now...." I said, poking him in the chest to emphasise each word. "we're just going to have to kick your butt!"
"Butt?" Sniggered Griffin. "Christ, your bad at this Corrine." I spared him a venomous glance but he simply shrugged and grinned. "Well, ya are."
"Shut it Griffin." Said Marks mildly. He tilted his head and looked me up and down. "So," He said with amusement. "you think you and Häkchen here" He indicated Anders, who had pointedly been ignoring us behind his newspaper, with a lazy hand. "can take me?" He laughed. "Well, you can't. I've had his number for years." Anders sniffed and rattled his newspaper feigning indifference but I noticed his eyes narrow and his lips thin in annoyance. "Besides," Continued Marks. "It isn't just me you're going up against this time, it's the whole squad."
"The whole squad?"
"Precisely." Said Marks.
"I am afraid it is so." Said the captain, giving me a gentle squeeze.
"What! Why? Get off me!" I said breaking from Pip's embrace and standing to confront the room.
"Orders from on high." Said the sergeant gesturing towards the manor house. "It's to be the Armageddon scenario tonight."
I made a small strangled noise.
"Apparently there is a bit of a wager going on between Sir Integra and Herr Nosferatu and you're it."
"There, see, someone has faith in me. Which one is betting I will win?"
"Neither, they're just betting on how far you you can get before you're toasted."
"Oh now that's just wrong."
"Trust me liebst, no one's betting on you to win. Not even Jet here and can never resist the long odds."
"True." Agreed Blaven.
"How long?"
"700 to 1 against." Said Zelig consulting his book. "Course the odds are slightly better on you making the first quarter mile."
"Oh yes?" I said sarcastically. "Your faith in me is warming."
"Mmm." He agreed. "We got you in there at 250 to 1 against."
"You know I hate you all right?"
"Aww, don't hate the playa baby.."
"You do know you're white don't you Griffin?" Interrupted Sherman. "I sometimes wonder."
Anders, still pretending to read his newspaper, began drumming his fingers impatiently on the table.
"Now Corrine," Continued Sherman. "you know it ain't personal. We're mercenaries, the boss says to pound people, we pound them. It's what we're paid to do." He shrugged. "And tonight the boss says to pound you."
"Only not so's you'd like it." Brayed Griffin.
I opened my mouth to say something scathing but could only come up with, "Oh, as if." which sounded lame even to me.
"Course," Mused Griffin scratching his massive chest. "someone up at the big house must have a real hard on for you seeing as how they're lending us one of their own senior officers as back up. Not as we need it but still..." He sniffed and grinned evilly at me. "Damn."
I squeaked, cleared my throat then turned towards Burnadett and tried to ask calmly. "Which ah, senior officer would that be?" I asked with feigned indifference. Not Walter. Not Walter. Oh please, oh please, oh please not Walter!
"Ah." He said with mock sadness. "I am being forced to work with the delicious mademoiselle Victoria, much to my consternation." He grinned mischievously.
I visibly sagged with relief, then straightened with indignation. "What! you're using my Seras against me?"
"Non, Chanson." he said. "She is assigned to us for the evening so technically, I am using my Seras against you. Désolé de ce" He said looking not in the least bit sorry.
"Oh!" I said. "Now how is this at all fair?"
"It isn't fair." Agreed Zelig. "How am I supposed to make book on odds like that? I'm having to lay bets by the meter. Ridiculous!"
"Hmm, hadn't thought about that." Said the captain. "Sorry about that Zelig, I'll make it up to you with a bonus."
"The hell you will." Muttered Marks.
"But Karl, he's the only one who does not try to cheat the numbers. Surely you do not wish Sherman to start keeping book again. Remember Syria?"
"Fine." He sighed. Then more firmly. "A little one."
Zelig beamed sunnily.
"Oh nice." I said sarcastically. "Let's all make sure Zelig's not inconvenienced. What about me?"
"I told you," Said Marks. "I'm taking you out to dinner."
"Yeah right, like I'm going to... excuse me" I said distracted as my pager went off. I frowned down at the message then grinned "Ooo good one." I muttered then looked up and said coolly to the Sargent. "Well that's my punishment for losing. What do I get if I win?"
There were a couple of suppressed guffaws and a snigger from Griffin.
"Ha, got you there." The Capitan smiled.
Marks' lips twitched up a bit. "Decided to join the party have you Anders?"
"Sir." Said Lukas, pocketing his Blackberry and crossing over to where I stood.
"Interesting choice of dates."
"You assigned her to me sir. That makes her a part of my team. A good commander supports his team sir," He said pointedly. "always."
"Well, well." Said Marks grinning. "Doesn't that just take me back?" He narrowed his eyes at us both. "Still, I'm a bit surprised."
"Never could just lie back and take it sir."
"No Häkchen," Said Marks as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I guess you never could." He gave Anders a look that could almost be described as tender. "Still going to pound the snot out of you boy understand?"
Luckas' hand trembled slightly against the small of my back but his gaze remained calm and steady "You can try old man, you can try." He glanced around the room slowly cold blues eyes glinting out from behind his raggedy, blond bangs. "You can all..try."
A couple of the geese looked decidedly nervous at this statement. Marks grinned evilly, the captain looked bored.
"Well," Said Burnadett, as he exhaled a plume of blue smoke. "That's decided then. Anders," He said languidly waiving his cigarette in our direction. "I am sure you and your ah, team have a lot to do to get ready so off with you now."
"Sir." Said Anders turning me towards the door.
"But," I began.
"Aller maintenant, shoo!"
I huffed and started towards the door.
"I will come by you room later Chanson and kiss you for luck no?"
"In your dreams Pip." I sniped.
"Constantly, but not quite so often as I am in yours."
I tried to turn and reply but Anders was forcibly pushing me out the door.
"God!" He said closing the door behind us. "You really are terrible at trash talk Doyle."
"No, I had a really good one this time."
"No, trust me, you didn't." He said striding down the hall.
"I did, I really did you see I was going to say.."
"No time," He said "Besides that's not the point."
"It's not?"
"No."
..."So what is the point?"
"Do you want to argue with them Doyle or do you want to win?"
"Oh," I said. "I want to win but."
He stopped short and spun around to look down at me eyes blazing. "Do you?" He asked. "I mean really want it? Because I do. I want it so bad I can taste it." His eyes grew a bit distant. "I hate losing." He said softly. "Always have. As a kid, I never could walk away from a fight even if it meant getting the shit kicked out of me." He smiled wryly and continued. "Remind me sometime to tell you about how I met the Sergeant." His eyes focused back on me and he said. "Maybe not, you'd be horrified but the point is I've never beaten him. Not once. He gets in your head, knows what you're thinking. You can't fool him and it really pisses me off sometimes you know? To have him always one step ahead?"
I smiled a bit at that one. "Yeah," I said. "I think I see. Even if you like them, it can get kind of annoying."
"Exactly!" He said. "Exactly. Even if you like them, even if you, love them. You want, no, you need to show them, even if it just that one time, that you can be the best or the strongest. That maybe he's not always the smartest person in the room."
"You seem to have thought about this a lot." I said. Keeping the word 'obsessed' smartly to myself.
"I have." He agreed. "I think and I look and I listen. And this time, I have a chance." He leaned down and gripped my shoulders. "I've been watching how that vampire works and how he trains you and I'm pretty sure I know why he and Sir Integra decided on the the Armageddon scenario tonight. I even think I figured out why they are loaning that Victoria to the squad. They want to use the stress and fear to force you to take the next step. To get you so angry you break through the pain and move your powers to the next level. But what if," He said, his eyes taking on a speculative gleam. "we beat them to it?"
"I don't understand."
"What if we triggered your breakthrough early, before they expected it? At the beginning of the exorcize when there's still a chance to win instead of at the end when it's hopeless?"
"I suppose that would give us an advantage."
"Advantage, hell, we'd mop the floor with them."
"But how can you say that when I don't even know what the breakthrough will be much less if it is useful."
"I told you, I watch, I listen and I am pretty sure I know what it's going to be and if I'm right it's going to be spectacular."
"Oooo, what is it?"
"I'll tell you." He said. "But then you have to promise to do as I say, when I say it because if we move too soon it will queer the deal but if we time your breakthrough just right," He smiled beatifically at that point. "it will be a thing of spectacular beauty." He sobered up and looked at me intently. "Either way, I will get us through this as best I can but I ask you one last time Corrine, do you just want to 'make a decent show of it' or do you want to win?
I looked up at him sombrely searching his gaze. "Oh," I said softly, a slow smile spreading across my face. "I want to win.
He grinned like I had just given him the best Christmas present ever. "Excellent!" He said throwing his arm about my shoulders and ushering me towards the barracks exit. "Come on, there's a lot to do!" He glanced down at me. "Corrine, remember the other night when we tracked Victoria through the catacombs?"
"Yes, of course."
"Do you think you could do it again?"
"I think so but.."
"Good! Now here is what we are going to do...."
Not to bad. A sort of Old spice and copper penny smell mixed with just a dash of melted wire insulation thrown like an afterthought. I glanced over at him as he synced up my EEG s with the sound files.
His skin was the colour of fine porcelain so pale that you could trace the thin blue blood vessels beneath the surface. This went nicely with the deep blue streaks of dye he had running randomly through his midnight black hair which he wore in a short Mohawk styled at the front into a pompadour and a duck tail in the back. The florescent lighting of the room glinted off numerous piercings and countless tattoos peeked out from the collar and ripped off sleeve holes of his bowling shirt. It was if somehow, he were the love child of Elvis Presley and Sid Viscus.
Stewart has this amazing affinity for both music and technology. There isn't an instrument he can't play or a piece of hardware he can't fix or re-purpose. He mostly runs the tech and communications for the Geese but he can also blow the chest out of a ghoul with hip shot from his Browning at 600 yards.
He caught me peeking at him. "Scientific experiment." I said cryptically.
"Well, if it's for science." He said shrugging then flashed me bemused but accepting grin.
Very little fazes Stewart and he genuinely seems to enjoy a certain level of bizarre and eccentric behaviour in others which is probably why he gets on so famously well with Zelig...and the rest of us for that matter. Besides, he's what, 22 maybe, we both know that I'm more likely to pinch his cheek and knit him a sweater than jump his bones. Not that I'm old mind you or that he's not kinda cute in a weird pasty metallic sort of way and we both like a lot of the same music...but...no. I definitely did not feel any sudden urges to jump in his lap and kiss him. Not that I think he would mind.
My next unsuspecting volunteers were Griffin, Blaven and Bulls. Stewart had gone off to his room to grab a CD he had burned for me leaving me to guard the laptop and I, of course, had immediately jumped onto Iwon.com to play mah-jong. The three Geese, sensing a weakness in the defence of the coveted technology, had swooped in without hesitation.
They descended in a transparently casual pincher movement pretending mere interest in observing perhaps with the occasional comment or suggestion but within two minutes of matching my first tiles I was surrounded on all sides and forced to sit helplessly and watch as three overly ripped space marines battled it out with the demon hordes. It was like being in a testosterone well.
"I would think you would get enough of that in real life." I said wryly.
"Hoosh up woman, were training like." Said Bulls as he moved his Doomguy into a more defensible position.
"Yeah, training." Affirmed Griffin.
Blaven simply grunted his agreement.
"'Sides," Continued Griffin. "Sarge locked us out of the World of Warcraft account."
"Why?" I asked from the depths of the man cave.
"Said we were spendin' too much time in the tavern."
"And with the bawdie gurls." Said Bulls.
"Mmmm...Betty" Added Blaven.
"God, Jet, don't you start in bou't that she-male again!"
"Hey! your talkin' bout the woman I love."
"Ha!" Barked Griffin. "Anyways," He continued. "Turns out ya can run through a lot of cash real fast in places like that."
"Verra fast." Agreed Bulls. "tch, Watch yer flank there Jet."
"Yeah, yeah." Groused Blaven.
"So you blew all your fake gold in a fake bar buying fake beer for fake women and perhaps a fake transvestite?"
"Tavern." Corrected Griffin.
"Sorry, tavern."
"Pretty much yeah."
"So, what's the problem?"
"Well," Hedged Griffin. "Turns out that in addition ta fake gold, this particular tavern and those particular girls accept Visa."
"What?"
"And MasterCard." Added Blaven.
"Boot noot Discover." Finished Bulls.
"Your kidding right?"
"Nope."
"But...why?"
"Why not?" Griffin shrugged.
"Dare I ask how much?"
"Bout 8,000 last month."
"Dollars?" I gasped.
"Nah, pounds."
"What? That's more than $12,000! That could almost pay my mortgage for a year and you idiots spent it all on pretend beer and fake women?"
"Well, mostly on the women." Said Griffin. And they ain't so much fake as virtual...'cept mabey 'Betty'. That chick's definitely fake.
"You should show more respect for the future mother of my virtual children."
"Still say she's a dude." Said Griffin.
"Not in Azeroth she wern't." Sniggered Blaven. "Don't care if she's a hairy plumber in the normals she still gave the best b.."
"I really don't think I need to know this." I said loudly.
"I was going to say, um, back rubs."
"If I say I believe you, can we please move on?" I asked hopefully.
"Yuz one sick dude Jet." Said Griffin.
"Says you Porn."
"Damn straight says me. And if I think somthin's sick then you know it's really got ta be twisted."
"I am actually willing to pay you money to stop talking about this right now."
"Don't see why we need to be punished." Whined Blaven. "Captain spent more than that all by hisself just at the bawdy house and Sarge didn't block his account."
"That's because the Captain didn't use the company's credit card to pay his bill." Came Sergeant Mark's voice cutting through the haze of testosterone. "You idiots can piss your pay checks down the Thames for all I care but keep your thieving fingers off my bottom line or next time the bits I chop off won't be virtual ones starting with your teeny, tiny little di..."
Unfortunately, just at that moment, the Doom war demon assault escalated causing both Bulls and Griffin to jerk back on their controllers while simultaneously driving their elbows into my chest. I squeaked in distress.
"What? Is that that you in there Liebst?" Asked Marks.
"Yes. Oof."
"Why?...Dress up your flank there Blaven."
"Sir!"
"Well, I was playing Mah-jong but..Ouch! Hey! Mind where you put those elbows guys."
"Posh! Yer a nicely squishy gel Corrine." Observed Bulls. "Quite braw. My elbows doon't mind it a bit."
"Yeah," Agreed Griffin. "But I can kiss and make it better if you'd like."
"Try it Griffin and I'm going to help Marks start chopping off your teeny tiny..."
"Ain't nothin' teeny about me sweetheart." Growled Griffin. "For example my..."
"That's It!" Shouted Marks. "Get the hell off her!" His right hand came down to grip Bulls' collar jerking him up and back while his left hand shoved hard on Griffin's shoulder toppling him sideways out of his seat. Blaven, it seems, had ghosted away at the first hint of trouble.
"No more second chances Griffin," Growled the sergeant. "Next time I'll take your head off."
"Wern't like that Sarge I swear." Whined Griffin. "We was just messin' about wasn't we Corrine?"
"Um. Yes?" I hazarded. Unsure what was going on.
"It had better been." Said Marks sternly.
"It's true Sergeant." Confirmed Bulls. "Naught but a bit o' teasing. Ye know we'd ne'er harm our Corrine."
"Aww." I said touched.
Marks looked mildly mollified.
"Side's," muttered Griffin. "she started it."
"What? I never!"
"Aye, ye did gel." Said Bulls. "Ye led oos on."
"In your dreams!"
"So yer sayin you aint been playn' snuffle bunny with all of us tonight?"
"I, um, well.." I glanced up at Marks who was looking a bit shocked. "It's not like it sounds."
"Do tell." Said a grinning Burnadett. When had he come in?
"Well..." I started. "Well..."
"Someone has exactly 30 seconds to tell me what the hell is going on before I kill Griffin."
There was dead silence in the room.
"And Bulls." Added Marks.
"Corrine brought in brownies and started a fight." Offered Zelig.
"Then Zelig called her a fat prostitute so she assaulted an innocent bystander." Complained Sherman rubbing his chest.
"She's smelling us for science." Shrugged Stewart.
"Traitors." I hissed at them and was treated to a collective shrug.
"I see." Said Marks flatly. He glanced at me with a raised eyebrow.
"I was collecting data for an important experiment." I sniffed defensively.
"Well," He said, lowering himself into the chair from which he had just extracted Bulls, a slow smile spreading across his face. "If it's for science then..."
"Non!" Snapped Burnadett. "I will not have this. Mon Dieu! Experimenting on my men?" He wagged an accusatory finger in my direction. "Treating them as you would a guinea pig. It is contraire a l’éthique! Shame on you Chanson." I blinked at him nonplussed until he added. "If a pretty lady is going to conduct inappropriate experiments on the men of this squad," He grinned and tapped me on the nose. "she had best be conducting them on me first!"
"Ah," I said "Brave man."
"Of course." He said sliding smoothly into Griffin's old chair. "What kind of commander would I be if I were to allow my men to face such danger if I am not willing to face it myself?"
"Oh ho?" Quipped Marks from my other side. "Since when?"
"Ignore the ugly man on your right Chanson." Said the captain airily. "We are wasting time." He gripped my shoulders and tugged me gently but purposefully towards him. "I insist on being nuzzled immediately!"
"So you're volunteering to be my guinea pig?" I asked playfully.
He leaned in closely. "Mais oui-eeek." He murmured into my ear.
I laughed and, blushing profusely, proceeded to assess the scent of the fearless leader of the Wild Geese.
He smelled quite pleasant actually, especially when you consider how many of those god-awful cigarettes he smokes each day, sort of a cherry wood smoke and Sen-Sen under-layered by the woodsy scent of Rochas Man. I inhaled deeply so he knew I was taking the experiment seriously. It was enjoyable in a warmth of human contact sort of way and he is wickedly handsome but I did not feel in the least bit um, interested. He smelled good but there was just something missing. Something, perhaps, like linen and spray starch and, well...shoot...I wasn't going to go there.
I sighed and tried to lean back but Burnadett had taken advantage of the situation and slid over and leaned into me until I was practically sitting in Mark's lap. "Excuse me sir," I said as politely as I could as I felt a moist warmth brushing my earlobe. "Just who's nuzzling who here? Eeep! Hey! No biting. There is a definite no biting rule!"
"Well, that's disappointing." Rumbled the sergeant against my back.
"Not biting." Corrected the captain. "Nibbling. Guinea pigs like to nibble." He whispered wickedly in my ear. "Just...so." He said leaning in for another nip.
"Bad guinea pig. Bad!" I laughed pushing him back with a finger against his chest. "No nibbling on the scientists. No carrots for you!"
He frowned. "Not even one carrot?" His face became quite tragic. "Not even my little special crunchy carrot for me to take back and nibble on in my lonely cage?"
"Especially not that carrot."
"She can nibble me back." He said coyly. I would quite like that."
"No."
"You are cruel Chanson, very cruel." He said sadly. He sighed and sprawled back into his chair.
"Ah well." He shrugged. He lit a cigarette and swung his feet up onto the table narrowly missing the laptop. "C'est la guerre. So Chanson," He said with casual disinterest, tilting back his chair and frowning at an imaginary speck of dust on his scuffed boots. "how went the experiment? Did my fresh, yet manly scent please you?"
"Fresh yet manly?" Grinned Marks. "You lose man points for that one Burnadett."
The captain waived a dismissive hand. "It matters not, as long as it pleases the ladies." He tilted his head and beamed charm at me. "And it does please the ladies does it not Chanson?"
"You smell quite nice Pip." I assured him. "Both fresh and manly."
"There, you see? Man-ley." He said smugly. "And irresistible to Women. I believe that is double man points to me Marks."
"De-lusional more like." Snorted Marks. "But we waste valuable scientific time. Come liebst," He said tugging playfully on my ponytail. "I will be the next to volunteer."
"Oh, you always smell good." I said absently a bit distracted by his actions then clamped my mouth shut when I realized what I had just said.
"Well now." Chuckled Marks. "I am very glad to hear it. Very, glad." He rumbled into my ear then looked up at Burnadett. "You catch that 'Pip'?"
"Hmmmm, interesting." Said the captain. Raising his eyebrows and leering. "And how often is it that you are smelling our sergeant Chanson?"
"You heard her, always. I always smell good. And that," He crowed, punctuating his message with my ponytail. "means triple points for me! Now don't start blushing liebst." He said, tickling my nose with the end. "You have simply proven to be a woman of discerning taste and shall be properly rewarded." He wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "Shall I take you out to dinner tonight?"
"Oh. Um..." I said disconcerted. It was odd, I liked Marks a lot and he would seem to be a prime candidate for my experiment. So why did I hesitate? He was terribly handsome and, yes, always smelled good but there was something about him that would never let me relax. We laughed and joked and flirted outrageously at times but somehow, it always seemed a bit stilted as if we were running lines in a play. It never felt completely natural. There was something almost calculating in his courtship. I was attracted to him but always felt a bit like prey.
"You are assuming she will still be talking to us later." Pointed out the captain.
"Well, there is that." Mused Marks. "Bah, she's a good sport aren't you liebst? Not the kind of girl to hold a grudge."
"Why would I be holding a grudge?" I asked.
"Because of how badly we are going to pound you into the ground at this afternoon's exercise." He replied. "Not that I want to mind, but needs must."
"What makes you so sure your going to beat me?"
"I always have before."
"Well don't get too cocky." I said. "Lukas and I have been practising and we've got a few tricks up our sleeves."
"That's nice but it won't make a difference because I'm already in your head Corrine. No matter what you try, I'll know it first because I'm right, in, here." He said jovially tapping my forehead with the end of my braid.
I growled and managed to finally wrestle my hair from his grip but my triumph was short lived as used the opening to cop a quick feel. I slapped away his hand and scrambled back in outrage only to land in Burnadett's lap. The Capitan responded by wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder, all the better vantage point to watch the show. Pip, being, ironically, the lesser or two evils at the moment, was ignored so I could turn the full force of my anger on the sergeant.
"You arrogant....jerk!" His eyebrow rose mockingly at the lameness of my insult which, of course, just made me angrier. "Argh! That's it. You know, up until now, I was just hoping we'd make a decent showing of it but now...." I said, poking him in the chest to emphasise each word. "we're just going to have to kick your butt!"
"Butt?" Sniggered Griffin. "Christ, your bad at this Corrine." I spared him a venomous glance but he simply shrugged and grinned. "Well, ya are."
"Shut it Griffin." Said Marks mildly. He tilted his head and looked me up and down. "So," He said with amusement. "you think you and Häkchen here" He indicated Anders, who had pointedly been ignoring us behind his newspaper, with a lazy hand. "can take me?" He laughed. "Well, you can't. I've had his number for years." Anders sniffed and rattled his newspaper feigning indifference but I noticed his eyes narrow and his lips thin in annoyance. "Besides," Continued Marks. "It isn't just me you're going up against this time, it's the whole squad."
"The whole squad?"
"Precisely." Said Marks.
"I am afraid it is so." Said the captain, giving me a gentle squeeze.
"What! Why? Get off me!" I said breaking from Pip's embrace and standing to confront the room.
"Orders from on high." Said the sergeant gesturing towards the manor house. "It's to be the Armageddon scenario tonight."
I made a small strangled noise.
"Apparently there is a bit of a wager going on between Sir Integra and Herr Nosferatu and you're it."
"There, see, someone has faith in me. Which one is betting I will win?"
"Neither, they're just betting on how far you you can get before you're toasted."
"Oh now that's just wrong."
"Trust me liebst, no one's betting on you to win. Not even Jet here and can never resist the long odds."
"True." Agreed Blaven.
"How long?"
"700 to 1 against." Said Zelig consulting his book. "Course the odds are slightly better on you making the first quarter mile."
"Oh yes?" I said sarcastically. "Your faith in me is warming."
"Mmm." He agreed. "We got you in there at 250 to 1 against."
"You know I hate you all right?"
"Aww, don't hate the playa baby.."
"You do know you're white don't you Griffin?" Interrupted Sherman. "I sometimes wonder."
Anders, still pretending to read his newspaper, began drumming his fingers impatiently on the table.
"Now Corrine," Continued Sherman. "you know it ain't personal. We're mercenaries, the boss says to pound people, we pound them. It's what we're paid to do." He shrugged. "And tonight the boss says to pound you."
"Only not so's you'd like it." Brayed Griffin.
I opened my mouth to say something scathing but could only come up with, "Oh, as if." which sounded lame even to me.
"Course," Mused Griffin scratching his massive chest. "someone up at the big house must have a real hard on for you seeing as how they're lending us one of their own senior officers as back up. Not as we need it but still..." He sniffed and grinned evilly at me. "Damn."
I squeaked, cleared my throat then turned towards Burnadett and tried to ask calmly. "Which ah, senior officer would that be?" I asked with feigned indifference. Not Walter. Not Walter. Oh please, oh please, oh please not Walter!
"Ah." He said with mock sadness. "I am being forced to work with the delicious mademoiselle Victoria, much to my consternation." He grinned mischievously.
I visibly sagged with relief, then straightened with indignation. "What! you're using my Seras against me?"
"Non, Chanson." he said. "She is assigned to us for the evening so technically, I am using my Seras against you. Désolé de ce" He said looking not in the least bit sorry.
"Oh!" I said. "Now how is this at all fair?"
"It isn't fair." Agreed Zelig. "How am I supposed to make book on odds like that? I'm having to lay bets by the meter. Ridiculous!"
"Hmm, hadn't thought about that." Said the captain. "Sorry about that Zelig, I'll make it up to you with a bonus."
"The hell you will." Muttered Marks.
"But Karl, he's the only one who does not try to cheat the numbers. Surely you do not wish Sherman to start keeping book again. Remember Syria?"
"Fine." He sighed. Then more firmly. "A little one."
Zelig beamed sunnily.
"Oh nice." I said sarcastically. "Let's all make sure Zelig's not inconvenienced. What about me?"
"I told you," Said Marks. "I'm taking you out to dinner."
"Yeah right, like I'm going to... excuse me" I said distracted as my pager went off. I frowned down at the message then grinned "Ooo good one." I muttered then looked up and said coolly to the Sargent. "Well that's my punishment for losing. What do I get if I win?"
There were a couple of suppressed guffaws and a snigger from Griffin.
"Ha, got you there." The Capitan smiled.
Marks' lips twitched up a bit. "Decided to join the party have you Anders?"
"Sir." Said Lukas, pocketing his Blackberry and crossing over to where I stood.
"Interesting choice of dates."
"You assigned her to me sir. That makes her a part of my team. A good commander supports his team sir," He said pointedly. "always."
"Well, well." Said Marks grinning. "Doesn't that just take me back?" He narrowed his eyes at us both. "Still, I'm a bit surprised."
"Never could just lie back and take it sir."
"No Häkchen," Said Marks as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I guess you never could." He gave Anders a look that could almost be described as tender. "Still going to pound the snot out of you boy understand?"
Luckas' hand trembled slightly against the small of my back but his gaze remained calm and steady "You can try old man, you can try." He glanced around the room slowly cold blues eyes glinting out from behind his raggedy, blond bangs. "You can all..try."
A couple of the geese looked decidedly nervous at this statement. Marks grinned evilly, the captain looked bored.
"Well," Said Burnadett, as he exhaled a plume of blue smoke. "That's decided then. Anders," He said languidly waiving his cigarette in our direction. "I am sure you and your ah, team have a lot to do to get ready so off with you now."
"Sir." Said Anders turning me towards the door.
"But," I began.
"Aller maintenant, shoo!"
I huffed and started towards the door.
"I will come by you room later Chanson and kiss you for luck no?"
"In your dreams Pip." I sniped.
"Constantly, but not quite so often as I am in yours."
I tried to turn and reply but Anders was forcibly pushing me out the door.
"God!" He said closing the door behind us. "You really are terrible at trash talk Doyle."
"No, I had a really good one this time."
"No, trust me, you didn't." He said striding down the hall.
"I did, I really did you see I was going to say.."
"No time," He said "Besides that's not the point."
"It's not?"
"No."
..."So what is the point?"
"Do you want to argue with them Doyle or do you want to win?"
"Oh," I said. "I want to win but."
He stopped short and spun around to look down at me eyes blazing. "Do you?" He asked. "I mean really want it? Because I do. I want it so bad I can taste it." His eyes grew a bit distant. "I hate losing." He said softly. "Always have. As a kid, I never could walk away from a fight even if it meant getting the shit kicked out of me." He smiled wryly and continued. "Remind me sometime to tell you about how I met the Sergeant." His eyes focused back on me and he said. "Maybe not, you'd be horrified but the point is I've never beaten him. Not once. He gets in your head, knows what you're thinking. You can't fool him and it really pisses me off sometimes you know? To have him always one step ahead?"
I smiled a bit at that one. "Yeah," I said. "I think I see. Even if you like them, it can get kind of annoying."
"Exactly!" He said. "Exactly. Even if you like them, even if you, love them. You want, no, you need to show them, even if it just that one time, that you can be the best or the strongest. That maybe he's not always the smartest person in the room."
"You seem to have thought about this a lot." I said. Keeping the word 'obsessed' smartly to myself.
"I have." He agreed. "I think and I look and I listen. And this time, I have a chance." He leaned down and gripped my shoulders. "I've been watching how that vampire works and how he trains you and I'm pretty sure I know why he and Sir Integra decided on the the Armageddon scenario tonight. I even think I figured out why they are loaning that Victoria to the squad. They want to use the stress and fear to force you to take the next step. To get you so angry you break through the pain and move your powers to the next level. But what if," He said, his eyes taking on a speculative gleam. "we beat them to it?"
"I don't understand."
"What if we triggered your breakthrough early, before they expected it? At the beginning of the exorcize when there's still a chance to win instead of at the end when it's hopeless?"
"I suppose that would give us an advantage."
"Advantage, hell, we'd mop the floor with them."
"But how can you say that when I don't even know what the breakthrough will be much less if it is useful."
"I told you, I watch, I listen and I am pretty sure I know what it's going to be and if I'm right it's going to be spectacular."
"Oooo, what is it?"
"I'll tell you." He said. "But then you have to promise to do as I say, when I say it because if we move too soon it will queer the deal but if we time your breakthrough just right," He smiled beatifically at that point. "it will be a thing of spectacular beauty." He sobered up and looked at me intently. "Either way, I will get us through this as best I can but I ask you one last time Corrine, do you just want to 'make a decent show of it' or do you want to win?
I looked up at him sombrely searching his gaze. "Oh," I said softly, a slow smile spreading across my face. "I want to win.
He grinned like I had just given him the best Christmas present ever. "Excellent!" He said throwing his arm about my shoulders and ushering me towards the barracks exit. "Come on, there's a lot to do!" He glanced down at me. "Corrine, remember the other night when we tracked Victoria through the catacombs?"
"Yes, of course."
"Do you think you could do it again?"
"I think so but.."
"Good! Now here is what we are going to do...."
