NAK NAKAPALOOZA

The Nak Naks in my office have parties when I am not looking, I just know it.

It's not just that they all seem rearranged each morning when I come in. There's the smell of stale pizza in the air and the teeny tiny little cups with beer dregs and cigarette butts in the trash can that make me suspicious as well. Then there was the time I had to scrape purple icing off of the PC screen...

Then the complaints started from the maintenance staff. Skittles all over the floor (oh yes, they love skittles), itty bitty pool toys left in the sink, plastic forks embedded in the wall, that sort of thing.




My boss, of course, thought I was crazy when I said it was the Nak Naks. "Don't be silly" she said, "Toys don't eat pizza plus if they swam in the sink their little paper stickers would fall off!"

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No one would believe me. I was resigned to my fate. Destined to bear the blame for the misguided whims of demented plastic stacking toys, but then it all changed. I found this poster you see (It was about "1"x"2" and stuck to the bottom of my shoe) and it was advertising "NAK NAKAPALLOOZA" . "THE MOST STUPENDOUSLY AWESOME NAK PARTY EVER!"

"?" said I and read on.

"So BEYOND AWESOME you won't believe it. Wilder than a trip to 6 Flags Under the Freeway. More fun than the Ye Wee Renaissance festival. Better than CATS! Music, rides, food, free love, free Admission. Tickets available online. BYOB.

"Cripes!" I yelped. "Maintenance is going to have a fit! My boss's head is going to explode! I am in big trouble"

I wheeled on the miscreant toys. "NO, NO, NO, NO!" I cried.

"What?" they seemed to ask innocently.

"This!" I shouted, holding the poster between two fingers and waiving it at them.

"Oh, that" the small, possibly non-existent voices said. "That's nothing. Just a little get together. Don't worry your pretty little, um big, head about it."

"Don't you dare patronize me!" I shrieked, just as coworker passed my office. She gave me a puzzled look and moved on quickly. My reputation was spreading. I lowered my voice. "I forbid you to have this party." I said calmly.

They did not move, their faces did not change expression, and yet they seemed to be taunting me.

"I will not continue to take the blame for your, your, shenanigans!" I squeaked. "I'll tell!"

"Who's going to believe you?" came the whispered, most likely hallucinatory reply.

I stormed out of my office (I swear I heard laughing behind me) and hid in the bathroom for 20 minutes. All that afternoon I could feel their artificial gazes boring into the back of my head, daring me to tell someone about the party. I didn't look at them. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of the slightest glance. Smug little plastic jerks! Besides, I had a plan...

That night, disguised as a reporter from the New York Times, I infiltrated their party and took the following incriminating photographs. Thus, vindicating my good name.

WARNING: The following photographs contain scenes of unbridled plastic debauchery and may not be suitable for viewing by children... or adults really for that matter...

NAK NAKAPALOOZA !!!

THE BAND KICKED OFF ABOUT 9:00PM

THERE WAS THE USUAL...

MOSH PIT

LIMBO

THEN, THE EXTREME SPORTS STARTED...

THE TRICK BIKE DEMOS (note the lack of helmets)



FILE CABINET RAPPEL

BUNGEE JUMPING

MAGNETIC BOOT DANCING

SNOWBOARDING





FREE FORM GYMNASTICS ON THE COAT RACK


IT WAS ALL STILL RELATIVELY CONTROLLABLE BUT

THEN, THEY STARTED HITTING THE SLURPEE CUP

AND THE OFF ROAD VEHICLES STARTED ARRIVING









THE PARTY WAS GETTING WILD












IMPROPER USE OF THE INTERNET AND OFFICE SUPPLIES BECAME RAMPANT

THEN SOME IDIOT HIT ON MY NANCY PEARL LIBRARIAN ACTION FIGURE. SHE TOLD HIM OFF BUT HER BOYFRIEND GOT MAD AND A FIGHT BROKE OUT

AFTER THE POLICE LEFT, A FEW OF THE STRAGGLERS DECIDED TO GO SKINNY DIPPING

AND, DESPITE, REPEATED LECTURING ON MY PART,

THEY STILL LEFT THEIR TOYS IN THE SINK!