Friday, June 19, 2009

LETTERSFROM HELLSING XXVIII

“He better not ruin my stereo.” Stewart whispered.

“Ruin how?” I whispered back. Zelig had hustled us back out beyond the cave entrance but was still within earshot.

“Give him anything with wires and he takes it apart. I can’t believe I let you talk me into giving it to him.”

“But it made him so happy.”

“Of course it made him happy. He always gets happy when he gets to take stuff apart.”

“Or blow stuff up.” Added Griffin “He likes to blow stuff up.”

“It was practically new.”

“Perhaps he wont take it apart too much.” I said hopefully. Stewart stared at me reproachfully. “It could happen.” I said less hopefully.

“Bête fille mon chanson.” Said Burnadett. “It is in many pieces by now. You should not have given it to him.”

Stewart groaned

“But he had these puppy dog eyes.” I said.

“And you shouldn’t have given him all of the brownies!” Griped Seras “Those were for us.”

“I’m sure he’ll share.”

“Bête, bête fille.”

“What?”

“You silly, silly girl.”

“I kept the wine though.” I said.

“Did I say silly? I meant clever. Pass it here.”

“Actually, it was Seras who brought the wine.” I confessed.

“And this is why we like her.” He said taking the bottle from me.

“So tell me about this ‘Titania’s Delight’.”

“Oh that?” Snorted Burnadett. “That was some folly of Zelig’s back in Bosnia. We had set up headquarters in this little hut in the hills. There was an abandoned fruit orchard behind and he took a fancy to it. Said it reminded him of this Shakespeare play.”

“A Midsummer’s Night Dream?”

"Yes, this is the one. Well, he began to muck about with it and I let him because there wasn’t anything needing blowing up at the time. I thought it would keep him from getting bored and taking apart all of the equipment but he started using up all of the detonation wire to string up these lights and then the backup generator went missing …”

“He was out of control.” Growled Marks.

“He meant well.”

“He took the bulbs out of every flashlight in the company. I had to sneak into Serbia and buy more on the black market before we could do any more night missions.”

“He is very single minded with his projects.” Confessed Burnadett.

“Obsessed more like.”

“It did look quite nice though, I have to admit.” Said Stewart. “When it was finished.”

“Like a little magic forest.” Agreed Burnadett.

“He even put in one of them fairy circles.” Said corp. Blaven.

“Sounds pretty.” Said Seras

“It was.” Said Stewart. “Until those two drove a tank through it.” He said gesturing towards Marks and Griffin.

“What!? Why?” I burst out.

Marks made a disgusted noise. “We had captured this tank during a counter offensive and thought it might come in handy. Captain told us to hide it so we hid it.”

“Right in the middle of Zelig’s orchard.” Quipped Stewart.

“We said we was sorry.” Said Griffin.

“In case you have forgotten. There was, in fact, a war going on? It was the best cover for miles.”

“Yes we know Marks” said Burnadett “but did you have to park it right on top of the fairy ring?”

“That was a pity.” Said Blaven “I rather liked the fairy circle.”

“Do you have any idea what flashlight bulbs go for on the Serbian black market?” Countered Marks.

“I would have docked his pay for it.”

“Because of us, you didn’t have to. He even got a little bonus after we sold off that tank to the Soviets.”

“Yes, well, that was nice.” Said Blaven.

Marks shrugged.

“You stole a tank?” I asked.

“Captured.” Corrected Marks.

“And sold it?”

“Well, it wouldn’t fit in the plane.”

“To the Soviets.”

“Seemed only fair seeing as how it was theirs in the first place.”

“You people scare me.”

“No we don’t girl, that is why we like you." Said Marks. “That, and other things.”

“Yes like those brownies you made.” Said Burnadett.

“Zelig had better share.” Said Stewart.

“Speaking of which,” said Seras “how much longer is this going to take? I’m getting cold.”

“Have some wine.” Said Burnadett offering his cup.

“I don’t get drunk you know.” She said.

“Ah, pity that. Well, best not waste it then.” He said taking the cup back from her hand and drinking it himself. “One should only buy drinks for girls to get them drunk.”

“But it’s my wine.” Said Seras tugging the bottle away from his grasp. “I bought it myself.”

“Even better.” He said. “Are you trying to get me drunk petit?” He took her hand in his. “Do you wish to take advantage of me?”

“What? No!” She said snatching back her hand. (I’m telling you, right through the wall someday) “I bought it for us, for Corrine and me!”

“Really?” He said looking slyly at me. I groaned inwardly. “So it our Corrine you wish to get drunk?” He looked at me again and winked. “I heartily approve.”

There was a chorus of approval and the bottle was shoved at me as Seras turned bright red from head to toe.

“I..” Stammered Seras.

“I’ve seen movies that start like this but I never imagined…”

“Fat chance Griffin.” I said.

“Oh but Corrine.” Said Stewart.

“Not going to happen.” I said firmly.

“Pity.” Sniffed Stewart.

“At least not while you lot are about.” I added evilly.

A string of boos and cat calls echoed through the chamber.

“And you.” I said turning to the captain. “You had better stop teasing her like that or no more wine for you!”

“Un défi ? This is a hard choice.”

“I mean it.” I said plucking the cup from his hand.

“Si jolie et si moyenne.” He stage whispered to Marks.

“Ja. Schon und mittlere. Ich muy sie sehr.”

“In English please.” I poked him.

“Ah, mon chanson, you are cruel to make me choose between two things that I love.”

“Rubbish.” I said tilting the neck of the bottle towards the floor.

“Well then,” He sighed.

And we will never know which he loved more, wine or teasing Seras because Zelig chose this exact moment to appear at the entrance and announce he was ready for us. Burnadett took advantage of my temporary distraction and snatching back the bottle with one hand and grabbing Seras with the other began herding us all toward Zelig. Before I could intervene, Zelig had captured my hand and was leading me toward the entrance of the cave.