Wednesday, June 29, 2011

LETTERS FROM HELLSING XLVI

I froze, handful of popcorn halfway to my mouth. "Me?"

"You." He said.

I blinked up at him innocently. "What?"

He crossed his arms and scowled.

"Oh that. Hadn't we finished talking about that?" I asked examining a kernel before popping it in my mouth.

"No, we have not."

"Are you quite sure? I felt certain we had finished." I said, tossing in three more kernels.

"Non."

"Hm num mum mum." I said stuffing the rest of the popcorn in my mouth and grabbing another handful from the bowl.

"Stop stalling Chanson. We are going to discuss this."

"Of course." I said docilely. "Oh, did you see the new girl Cook just hired?" (She asked innocuously.)

"Nice try Corrine, but it won't work." Said Marks.

"Is she pretty?" Asked Burnadett. "No, no, Marks is right. You will not distract us from this Chanson."

"Wouldn't dream of it Pip." I said amiably. "Is that a cuttlefish your carving Berti or are you moving on to Cthulhu myths?"

"Cthulhu, cuttlefish don't have legs Corrine."

"Yes but neither do most Cthulhu gods."

"True, but see he's chewing on H.P. Lovecraft here."

"Ah, yes, I see. Quite...Realistic."

"Of course."

"Zelig." Said Stewart mildly. "We weren't going to get distracted today remember?"

"Focusing right?"

"Right." Said Stewart "Shame on you Corrine." He said, wagging a finger at me.

I attempted to look chastised.

"You are talking instead of listening Chanson."

"Yes, of course, I'm all ears." I said.

"They're my favorite you know?" Said Zelig.

"What?" I asked.

"Cuttlefish. they're my favorite invertebrate."

"Mine too!"

"I love how they change color and shape at will, I wish I could do that. If I could do that I could be my own art all the time." He sighed.

"Zelig!" Roared the Captain.

"What? Oooh, right! Focusing."

"And you." Growled Burnadett turning back towards me. "No more talking unless you are answering my direct questions."

I mimed locking up my mouth and tossing the key.

The captain shook his head and sighed. "Now Chanson, it is not so much the bruises as it is..." He frowned at me as I plucked an ice cube from my water glass and began sliding it down my neck. "As it.... What are you doing?" He asked, interrupting himself.

"It's hot in here." I said.

"It's not that hot." He said.

"It's stifling!" I argued, sliding the ice cube back up my neck.

Marks snorted and shook his head grinning.

The captain pointed an angry finger at me and opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Griffin. "Jet," He said to Blaven. "I will give you 50 to make her spill that whole glass down her shirt."

"What?" I yelped, accidentally dropping the ice cube down my cleavage.

"Dollars or Pounds?"

"Dollars."

"Pfft."

"Fine, pounds."

"Eh" Said Blaven.

"75" Said Griffin staring intently at the spreading damp spot on the front of my shirt. Why oh why did I wear white today?

"Wellll."

"You stay out of this Griffin!" I yelled.

The captain placed his fists on his hips and tilted his head at me. "Non Chanson, you started this show for everyone but I warn you, mon petit navet, Griffin, he always calls the bluff and Blaven will do anything for money."

"True." Said Blaven.

I slammed the glass down on the coffee table as far away from him as possible.

"Hey!" Shouted Zelig. "Oh no wait, hmmm" He said dipping his finger in a droplet of spilled water and tracing it along the grain. "Ahh yes, I see." He said reaching for his knife and whistling a selection from "Peter and the Wolf".

The captain pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "You," He said. "are being astoundingly annoying tonight. I am thinking that your dear mother did not spank you nearly enough as a child." He glanced at me thoughtfully for a moment. "I am thinking perhaps that I shall take Griffin's money but instead of this little glass I drag you outside and spray you down with the hose."

"Ha!" I scoffed then stiffened as I looked up at him. "You wouldn't dare."

"Ah, wouldn't I?" He said smiling crookedly. "Two things you should know about me mon cher panais, there is nothing I don't dare and..." He paused a moment to lean over me and place his hands on the back of the couch to either side of my head. "I rarely bluff."

"But..." I whispered then fell silent as he raised one arm and snapped his fingers.

I watched, horrified as a blue poker chip arced its way across the room towards us. Gaze never leaving mine, he snatched it from the air then brought his hand down before my face. "Care to risk it?" he asked holding the chip up with two fingers.