LETTERS FROM HELLSING XLI

That afternoon at tea, Walter had a most interesting suggestion as to how I could help Seras.

"It's a long shot." He said, as I fiddled with the rubber tubing included in the box of materials he had gathered together for his plan. "But I think if you are the one making the offer, she just might accept. She will will see it as an act of friendship not charity or duty."

"Possibly." I said dropping the tubing back in the box and glancing at the needles with distaste. "But why all the steps?" I asked reaching for my teacup. "Why can't I just let her..?"

"No." He said firmly. That would be most unwise."

I stilled my hands, cup halfway to mouth and looked at him questioningly.

"We need your actions to be intimate enough for Miss Victoria to feel comfortable feeding but still maintain enough distance between your providing the blood and her drinking it so that she knows your are willingly providing food but does not think of you as the food itself." He locked onto me with his steely intense gaze and said calmly but forcefully. "If I were even to suspect that you were considering letting Miss Victoria feed directly off of you, I would separate the two of you immediately and forbid any further contact between you permanently. Is that understood?"

I opened my mouth but no words came out, speechless under his onslaught.

He softened a bit. "Ms. Doyle," He said, gently removing the rattling teacup from my hand. "my concern is for your safety. What we attempt here is dangerous and, if done improperly, could cause irreparable harm. Miss Victoria is close to the breaking point otherwise I would not even consider this plan and I certainly would not consider involving you Ms. Doyle, if I did not trust you to proceed with all due caution."

He refilled my teacup and handed it back to me. "I would not wish to lose either one of you."

I smiled at him feeling a bit warm and fuzzy. 'How sweet.' I thought. "Thank you." I said, taking a sip.

"Yes, Sir Integra has charged me with the care of both yourself and Miss Victoria so it would be quite remiss of me to allow one of you to massacre the other in a frenzied bloodbath. She would be very annoyed at me to say the least."

My warm and fuzzy moment died. "I see." I said.

"Very messy. Quite inconvenient."

"OK, I get it!" Just couldn't leave it at warm and fuzzy, could you Walter?

He smiled slightly then his expression grew intense once again. "In all seriousness Ms. Doyle, if you have any doubts, any doubts whatsoever, please do not feel you must go through with this. We can always try something else."

"Is there another plan at this time?"

"Not as such, no."

"Well then, why don't we go over precisely how this is to be done." I said, putting down my teacup and handing him a syringe.

******

We sprang out plan on Seras that Thursday, one of my nights off from my "special training" with Alucard. When she woke up I was to be waiting for her in her room.

She had this cool mechanical canopy bed Walter had designed for her which converted into a sort of coffin during her daylight sleeping hours. She was late in getting up so I knocked on the lid a few times to wake her.

"Go away." Came her muffled voice.

"Get up!" I chirped loudly.

"I'm tired."

"Come now." I shouted cheerfully. "The moon is shining and all the ...um, owls are ...hooting in the breeze."

"Mumble murf munf muff!"

"That's no way for a lady to talk!" I said, smacking the lid. "You spend too much time hanging out with Burnadett."

"I'm tired. Go away."

I was weary of waiting and afraid I would loose my nerve so I sat down on top of her bed/coffin and started singing show tunes but warping the lyrics.

"There's a bright silver haze on the meadow. There's a bright silver haze on the meadow..."

"Shut it!" She said banging the lid once from the inside.

"When the black, black bat comes flap, flap, flapping along. A-long!" I sang, drumming my heels in time to the music. "Come on, I've got a million of these."

"OK. OK."

"Yeay!" I said, jumping off as the lid started to rumble open.

Seras rubbed her eyes, stretched, and rolled out of bed hitting the ground with a thud. She looked up at me smiling sheepishly. She still had her uniform on.

"Late night?"

"mmumf."

"I didn't hear the bell. Another of Captain Chambers' training exorcises?"

"grumble (yawn) munf munf."

I felt a bit guilty waking her up like this but Walter said she would be at her most pliant around twilight therefore more likely to accept my offer. I was just glad she wasn't as grumpy about being woken up as I am.

"Sorry." I said offering my hand. "But I have a surprise for you."

"Mmmm?"

"No, it's a surprise. You go wash up and I'll get it ready."

While she was gone, I pulled out my supplies. Walter had shown me how to run a line into a vein on the back of my hand and had helped me carefully tape the tube down and around to the bottom of my wrist so it did not show as much. We then, very carefully, cleaned away all traces of blood.

Now came the tricky part.

I was not to draw the blood directly in front of Seras but was also not to let it get cold so I only had a few minutes. I quickly filled several syringes without spilling a drop (take that Miss Pringle!) then removed the lid from the covered tray and set about injecting the items therein with the gruesome contents. I had just emptied the last syringe and was carefully wiping my line with an alcohol pad when she returned.

"What are you doing?" She asked as I quickly swept the syringe into my supply kit. I dropped the pad in after it and sealed the lid.

"A surprise for you! Sit down, sit down." I said, smiling and placing my hand behind my back.

She looked at me suspiciously and sat down her eyes on my box. I picked up the covered tray with my other hand and placed it in front of her grinning.

She lifted the lid and stared at the contents with a puzzled frown. "Truffles?"

"Not just any truffles my dear, Lindt dark chocolate truffles, the best!"

"But I ..." she started, then her nostrils flared. She stared at the the tray a moment, her eyes glazed, her lips slightly parted, then she slammed the lid down.

"They're very good." I said, pulling one from the bag I had set aside for myself and unwrapping it.

"They're filled with blood." She said in a dead pan voice.

"Yes, I know, I filled them." I said. "With my own blood no less!" I held up my wrist. "Pretty neat huh? Walter helped me with the tape."

"It's not funny." She said, glaring at me.

"No, it's not funny." I said, glaring back. "Not funny to watch you starve yourself night after night while I stuff my face in front of you. Not funny to watch you grow weaker and more desperate for food everyday. Not funny at all."

"But your blood... I can't." She said choking.

"As you say, it's my blood. I can give it to whomever I want."

She shook her head, closing her eyes and shuttering. "You're my friend, I can't feed off of you."

"You can and you will!" I said slamming my hand down on the table. "Look," I said taking her hand and stroking it gently. "If by giving you my blood I help ease your hunger even the slightest bit, then I am glad to give it." I looked deep into her eyes. "I offer it freely as a friend. Will you accept it?"

She looked at the tray and bit her lip with indecision.

"Young lady, if you don't eat your chocolate truffles, you will be sent to bed without any dessert!"

She smiled at me, lifting the lid. "What's for dessert then? Brussel sprouts?"

"How'd you guess? Now eat before it gets cold." I said popping my own unwrapped truffle into my mouth. "These are so good!" I said through a mouthful of chocolate.

She slowly, cautiously, placed a truffle in her mouth and bit into it. I tried not to think about my blood trickling down her throat and instead concentrated on unwrapping another truffle and eating it. It was all I could do not to throw up but I could not let Sears see that so I looked at the ceiling pretending to savor the candy until the nausea passed.

Seras reached for another piece. A good sign.

By her 4th truffle, I could finally look her in the eye again, just not at her mouth while she was chewing, and we were even managing a bit of light conversation. By her 8th truffle, Seras was chattering away like a magpie. I don't know if it was the blood or the caffeine but she was wired.

I just smiled and chattered back. Even when the last truffle began to leak, I just pretended I didn't notice it. Seras quickly popped it into her mouth, wiping the blood off of the tray with her finger.

"This is quite good." She said, unthinkingly licking her fingers.

"Yes, it's very good chocolate." I said, trying to silence the gibbering monkey in my head which was screaming at me to run away. 'It's OK. It's OK. Just pretend it's a cherry cordial. But it's not! It's my blood! It's OK. It's OK. You can do this.' "We should try Mrs. See's sometime it's my favorite." 'Oh God, oh God, oh God!'

******

It was dark in the corridor outside of Sera's room, just a single light bulb to mark the foot of the stairs and even darker down towards Alucard's chambers. Not many of the staff ventured this way and vampires don't mind the dark.

Normally I wouldn't mind the dark either but I was tired and dizzy and feeling a bit disturbed so when I placed my hand on the wall to steady myself and encountered not cold, rough stone but warm, smooth fabric, I was more than a little freaked out.

I yelped and jumped back stumbling over my own feet. I would have fallen if a strong hand had not firmly gripped my arm and pulled me back upright.

"Walter?" I screeched. "You startled me." I managed to say in a more normal voice as he released my arm.

"I am sorry." He said. "That was not my intent. I merely meant to be on hand, should you require assistance with the stairs."

I looked at him uncomprehending for a moment. How could I have not seen him? I must be tired.

"It's rather dim and the steps can be treacherous."

I looked over at the stairs then back at him. Me, Walter and staircases, quite the emotional history. I smiled at him sheepishly. "Thank you. That's very kind." I said handing him the box of supplies and following him to the stairs.

"Did everything go well?" He asked, motioning me to proceed him up the stairs. He followed immediately behind and just to the left of me.

"As well as could be expected." I said clambering up the the steps. "She ate but I'm afraid I..Whoops!" I had turned my head to speak to him and tripped on the next riser. Walter's hand came up to steady me. I looked down at the glove gripping my arm and gasped. I knew those gloves. That rough, heavy leather of their fingers, the smooth reinforced plates in the palm. Those were the gloves from my hallucination in the elevator. The ones he was wearing when he... I shuttered at the memory but forced myself not to yank my arm from his grip and possibly send us both tumbling down the stairs.

Why was he wearing those gloves?

"Ms. Doyle?"

"I'm fine, just a bit dizzy. I'll be all right in a moment." I half lied.

"Are you sure?" He asked. "I can..."

"No really, I'll be fine." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. This was getting dangerously close to a reverse re-enactment of our first encounter on the stairs.

"Very well." Said Walter, lowering his hand.

I sagged with relief which caused Walter's hand to start up again. I bit my lip and forced myself not to flinch. He must have sensed something because he checked himself and stared down at his hand with a puzzled expression.

"Oh I am sorry Ms. Doyle. I'd forgotten to remove my work gloves. The plates didn't hurt you did they?" His intense gaze locked onto mine.


"No Walter." I said tightly, staring at the gloves. 'But the wire wrapped around my neck sure did.' I thought shuttering a bit. I still sometimes had nightmares.

He stared at me a moment longer. "Very thoughtless of me." He said dropping his hand to his side. "Please forgive me."

It was my turn to stare at him. The 'forgive me' seemed out of proportion. After all, he wasn't responsible for what had happened in the elevator. He had no control over Alucard's actions. Then it dawned on me that he wasn't just talking about the gloves.

Over these last several weeks, Walter had become more than just my babysitter, he had become my guardian and protector. Sheltering me, encouraging me, giving me the tools I needed to heal, to find my way. But for all his strengths, we both knew that there was one person, one thing, he could not protect me from.

Alucard.

He could advise me, console me but he could not shield me from the monster. What was it Alucard had said about Walter and his overdeveloped sense of chivalry?

My knight could not only not rescue the damsel from the dragon but had to keep sending her back into its cave, poorly armed and with very few defenses. The fact that she had volunteered did not seem to matter.

Far from decreasing him in my eyes, my hero worship for Walter only increased. I was a total heel for taking off my robe like that the other night and showing my bruises to everyone. I had let anger and spite move me to thoughtless action and poor Walter had once again borne the brunt of my foolishness by being drawn into a useless confrontation with Alucard. Alucard was right, I was pathetic and whiny.

"Walter," I said with all sincerity. "there is nothing to forgive."

There was an awkward moment of silence as Walter seemed to ponder a reply to my statement. For once, I was able to come to the rescue. I smiled and said lightly, "They are, after all, only a pair of gloves. No harm done, see?" I wiggled my arm to demonstrate. "But I am a bit hungry. Can we get something to eat?"

He eyed me for a moment then said. "Of course Ms. Doyle. What would you like?"

"Anything but chocolate." I said dramatically.

We both smiled a bit at that.