LETTERS FROM HELLSING VI

What happened next is a bit of a blur and I am still not sure how much of it was real and how much delusion.

There was a lot of pain, I remember that much. I remember the man removing the glove of his right hand and raising that hand to his mouth. I watched as sharp teeth ripped open his wrist just below the palm. Then saw him swing his arm down towards me and shove his hand, bleeding wrist and all, into my wound.

God, then pain, blood, his, mine, everywhere.

I heard voices babbling. Brushing up against my mind, whispering warnings and secrets, gone as fast as they came.

A woman’s voice, speaking in a language I did not understand swirled through my mind. She seemed to be talking to me about the tall man. Asking me to do something, calling him by name.
I was just starting to grasp her meaning on some level when it slipped away into the current of noise.

Voices, music, and strange, unfamiliar sounds were washing back and forth in my mind. The clashing of two heartbeats surging against each other. Mistimed pulses fighting for control. And everywhere, the pain and the blood.

The stronger pulse won. Two hearts began to beat in time with one another. I could feel it like a tide flowing through me, out of me, into him, out of him, in to me. The voices flowed with the blood, chanting dark secrets best forgotten.

I sensed, rather than saw him, reach out his left arm toward the other flagpole which seemed to fly into his outstretched hand. He pulled his bleeding hand out from inside of me and used it to grasp the silver cross finial of the flagpole.

It started to glow and stretch, then three thin wires of molten silver began to pull themselves from the cross. They writhed between his fingers like living things growing longer and thinner. There was smoke and the smell of burning flesh began to permeate the room.

Suddenly, he released the cross. The wires snapped and twined reaching, straining, towards his hand growing still longer and thinner. He brought his hand down fingers spread and arching over my wound. The silver threads surged down in pursuit diving between his fingers and plunging into my body.

The searing agony of the molten silver twisting inside me snapped me out of my haze. A scream of pain escaped from my lips and before I could stop myself my hand came up and began beating against his chest trying to push him away.

"Stop!" his voice commanded. Somehow, I obeyed and ceased struggling as the wire bit into my flesh over and over under his direction weaving my torn body back together again. Then he drew his hand back from my body. I could feel the stitches tighten inside me and the heat began to die down.

"Bring it here." he said to the medic who had returned with a Gurney his eyes wide with fear

"What did you do to her?" The medic asked, voice trembling.

The tall man did not even look at the medic. He lifted me gently up, as if I weighed nothing, and settled me onto the stretcher. He smiled down at me and said, "We made a deal with your God, didn’t we Angel?" He brushed my cheek with his hand smearing it with blood.

He glanced at his hand, just seeming to notice the gore. His wrist seemed to have completely healed itself. He brought his hand up to his mouth and casually sucked the blood off of one of his fingers giving me a wicked look. I could hear the medic gasp and choke slightly behind me.

I smiled at the tall man’s mischief and reaching out a hand to grasp his lapel, pulled his head close to mine. "I don’t care if you are a monster." I whispered "You saved those children and I owe you for their lives. I will keep that promise."

"You will live to regret that statement." he said smiling.

"I am sure I will." I said, and then murmured something, I don’t remember what, I don’t even think it was in English. I only remember his eyes widening as he asked me to repeat what I had said.

I did not answer. The music had started again and I was already quietly singing along; "Precious memories, how they linger..."

LETTERS FROM HELLSING V

The tall man stepped over the headless corpse of my attacker and stood in front of me, a puzzled look on his face.

"The children..." I wheezed, unable to take a real breath as the flagpole was pressing against my diaphragm. "The children..." I tried again "In there." I said attempting to gesture with my arms. They felt like lead.

The man nodded once then, placing one hand on my shoulder and gripping the pole with the other, pulled the bloody object from my body.

Dear God, it hurt.

Without the flagpole’s support, my knees buckled and I began to fall. Gently, the man eased me to the ground to one side of the podium.

"That looks bad." I heard a voice say. I became aware of other people in the room. There were several men dressed in combat gear with ski masks over their faces. "SWAT team" I assumed and wondered they would think of this scene and my strange rescuer.

They weren’t even fazed. One man with a medical bag strode up to me pulling out a pressure bandage as he examined my wound. "Hold this here." he said placing my hand over the bandage. "That’s it, your going to be just fine."

"Liar" I thought. He looked up at the tall man and shook his head a fraction. Sometimes I hate being right. The medic’s hand strayed to his sidearm. The tall man glared at him and medic’s hand dropped to his side.

Another man strode up to my rescuer. "Any other survivors?" he asked.

"Children" I burbled a bit louder now that the pressure was off of my diaphragm. The new man avoided looking directly at me staring at the podium instead. You’d think they had never seen a woman bleeding to death from a flagpole wound before.

"In there." my rescuer said pushing the heavy podium aside with a flick of his arm. The new man walked up, tried the knob, then knocked on the door.

"Anybody in there? It’s safe to come out now."

"Who is it? Are you the good guys?"

"The what?" the man said.

"The lady said we mustn’t come out until she or the good guys said it was OK. So, are you a good guy?"

The man seemed totally taken aback. "Well, yes, I am a good guy, I suppose." He said reaching again for the doorknob.

"Prove it."

"What?"

"How do we know you’re the good guys? Prove that you’re the good guys."

"Oh, um, how do I do that?" he asked

There was a brief whispered conversation behind the door, then silence. "We don’t know."

There seemed to be an impasse. I couldn’t help laughing a little but it really hurt. "My heroes, thwarted by five children in a closet." The medic looked down at me meeting my eyes for the first time. They were smiling but sad.

More whispers from behind the door. "Is the lady still here?" They asked.

"Yes" I said.

"Hey lady, is it safe to come out? Is he the good guys?"

I laughed again and locked gazes with the tall man who was looking at me with a thoughtful, puzzled expression. Perhaps he was wondering why I wasn’t dead yet. I wondered that myself. I smiled at him. "Yes, he’s the ‘good guys’, I think."

"Are all the monsters gone?"

"I’m not quite sure..." I said still looking at the man. He gave me an amused smile revealing very sharp teeth. "but I think it will be OK to come out now."

I knew I should be afraid of him but found myself liking him despite the warning bells ringing in my head. What was he? Not human, that’s for certain.

"Please," I said to him "don’t let them see me like this."

Eyes never leaving mine, he removed his overcoat and placed it over me like a blanket. "Why did you do that?" he asked kneeling beside me.

"What?" I asked.

"Hit him." Said the man.

"Well...he was going to kill you and I..." I trailed off, hindsight making that statement ridiculous.

"Not necessary." he said.

"I didn’t know what you were." I said.

"Still foolish." He chided.

"Perhaps" I said.

He looked as if he were going to speak again when the closet door flew open. Five pairs of eyes peered fearfully out upon the wreckage. The tall man stood up, moving to one side so that the children could see me.

"It’s OK." I said. "You can come out. These men will take you to safety."

My little boy ran over to me. "Your hurt." he said taking my hand.

"Not too bad." I lied. "These men will help me. You go with the others now."

"No!" he said. "I won’t leave you!"

"I need you to go with the others." I said. He shook his head. "You are brave. You are my helper. Please help the other children be brave too." My head was spinning now and the boy looked as if he were going to refuse. "Please God," I prayed "don’t let me die in front of him."

The tall man knelt down on the other side of me and looked at the boy. "You are a brave boy" he said. "and the lady is hurt. Will you please help the other children while we take care of her?"

I felt that strange fog again as he spoke those words. A compulsion to obey. Perhaps it was the blood loss but the words kept bouncing around like an echo in my head even after he stopped speaking. To my astonishment, the boy nodded to the man, squeezed my hand, then walked over to the other children who were being herded out the door. I looked up at the tall "man" again. What was he really?

"Go with the children and come back with a Gurney." He said to the medic who was standing behind him fidgeting with the holster of his gun.

"But.." he said, gesturing towards me.

"She’s as good as dead. We both know that" The tall man snapped. The medic looked over at me horrified. Like I didn’t already know. Oddly, I didn’t really care that much anyway. The children were safe and my head was spinning in a pleasant way as if I were a bit drunk and I could hear singing from far away. Old hymns, I loved old hymns. I began quietly singing along.

"Your job is with the living. It’s my job to deal with the dead."

"Precious memories, how they linger" I murmured peacefully.

"But sir," the other man continued his hand on his gun. Odd thing for a medic to do. Oh well.

"So I cherish the Old Rugged Cross..."

"Leave us." The tall man commanded and we were alone.

"Human," he said. "it’s time to listen."

I looked at him but he was not looking at me. He was looking at the flagpole with the cross.

"Thank you." I said. "For the children." I began to cry. "I promised..."

"I know. You'r welcome. You are going to die soon." He said matter of factually.

"I know." I said.

"Do you want to die?"

"Not really"

"I can save you."

Fear washed over me like a cold slap of water. The music stopped.

"No, not that." I said horrified at the thought of what he might turn me into.

"You prefer to die?"

"If that is His will."

"Why did you do it?" He asked quietly. His puzzled expression had returned. "What made you stand and fight?"

"It was the right thing to do."

"It was stupid." He said. "Foolish!"

"Giving up would have been stupid." I said. "You proved that by saving us."

"Then why give up now? Why not let me save you?"

Good question. "I don’t know why but I can feel it. It’s not his will that I become like you. It’s... well... your... wrong..." I reached up and touched his lapel. "I’m sorry."

He smiled. "I am not easily offended."

He looked over at the cross again then back at me. "And if it were his will that you live?"

"His will be done."

"Will you trust me?" He asked looking deep into my eyes. There was no fog this time, only the question. I felt no fear.

"Trust me" The quiet voice whispered.

I returned his steady stare and smiled. "Of course I trust you. You’re the good guys right?"

He smiled back. "And you shall be my Angel."

LETTERS FROM HELLSING IV

Power shot through me like a searing flame. My fear and anger were burnt away leaving only room for that voice. That voice, which I knew somehow, would let me keep my promise to that little boy. I did not even care at this point if I lived or died, but this...thing was not going to get those children!

Another chair bent, then another, and another. They seemed to jump into my hand as I needed them.

The voice, stronger now, was singing through my veins. The blood was pounding in my ears. My head was spinning. Distantly I could hear someone singing. Not well, but loudly.

"GOD IS BIGGER THAN THE, BOOGEY MAN!"

"Stop singing you stupid bitch!" the man screamed.

Startled, I realized it was me singing. I took a deep breath and bellowed out at the top of my lungs, "HE’S BIGGER THAN GODZILLA OR THE MONSTERS ON TV!"

He snarled and began advancing toward me. The blood was pounding so hard in my ears that I could barely hear myself. So I sang out louder. "OH GOD IS BIGGER THAN THE, BOOGEY MAN AND HE’S WATCHING OUT FOR YOU AND ME!!!"

I could almost feel the children smiling behind that door. I smiled back. Tears were streaming down my face and my head was pounding; "Thump, Thump, Thump, Bang!", but I was smiling.

He had just about reached me and I was just about to start verse 2, when he hesitated and cocked his head as if listening to something. I could not hear a thing for the blood pounding in my ears "Thump, Thump, Bang! Thump. Thump, Bang! Bang! Thump".

Bang?... No wait, that’s not right.

The man turned towards the door, he held up his hand and the ghouls instantly froze. So did I.
It was dead quiet.

"Bang! Bang! Bang!" Gunshots rang out in the hall. Then the sound of footsteps, then "Bang!" another shot, closer than the last. I sagged with relief. The police. The police had come at last!
A single set of footsteps echoed in the hall.

A man appeared in the doorway. He was tall and thin with wild black hair and dressed from head to toe in red. Well, not quite. His boots were black but his hat, his overcoat, even his glasses were all a deep brownish red. He took in our strange tableau and smiled.

"I’m sorry to interrupt your dinner" he said in a deep, smooth voice "but why don’t you try picking on someone your own size?"

He seemed to be alone. "Where are the others? Where are the police?!" I screamed in my head while frantically craning my neck to see past him.

"What the hell are you supposed to be?" said my attacker.

The man in red ignored the question, glancing at me where I still stood panting with a twisted metal chair in my hands. "Your dance card looks a little full. Do you mind if I take a few admirers off your hands?"

I stared at him speechless. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. How could this strange man possibly save us from these monsters?

"I don’t know who you think you are" said my attacker, "but if you wish to die a hero, I am happy to oblige you." He flicked his hand towards the man in red in a dismissive manner. The ghouls swung around and lurched towards my would be rescuer.

Slowly, almost lazily, the tall man reached into his overcoat and pulled out two of the most enormous handguns I had ever seen. One silver and one black, both glinting dangerously in the light.

My attacker gave a snort of contempt "you guns won’t harm me!" He laughed.

The man in red glanced over at me and smiled in a truly frightening way, winked, then addressed my attacker. "No, but the bullets will." and began to fire. A loud terrible booming in that small space. I flinched at the sound, dropping the chair.

The man moved into the room aiming and firing over and over so quickly his arms seemed to blur. I stumbled back as ghouls began to explode around me.

"Yes, silver bullets will most definitely kill scum like you." he said.

"Silver?" my attacker gasped.

"Yes." the man said "Now, will you stand and fight or must I waste more time on your filthy undead puppets?"

"Kill him!" my attacker screamed.

The ghouls lurched forward from all directions hurling any objects they could find at the man in red. The coffee pot whizzed past his head knocking off his wide brimmed hat. He pivoted and fired at the ghouls coming up behind him momentarily turning his back to us.

My attacker pounced on the opportunity. He pushed past me shoving me hard against the podium as he snatched up the flagpole with the Union Jack. He pointed the Fleur-delis finial at the man’s back and began to charge.

"No!" I screamed, as my hands closed down on the only weapon I could find. I ran up behind that horrible man and just as the man in red began to turn around, I brought that big bible down on my attackers head as hard as I could.

He did not go down. He just got angry.

He turned, and impaled me on the flagpole instead. The bible dropped from my hands as the force of the blow drove me back up against the podium. "That’s it for you bitch!" He snarled. He smiled as he twisted the pole "Does it hurt?"

Suddenly the tall man in red was behind him. Gripping his shoulder with one hand he reached around my attackers head with his other arm and pulled. There was a sickening crack as the head was snapped around to face backwards.

"What are you?" my attacker asked.

The tall man smiled, placing the silver muzzle of his gun against my attackers head "You’ll just have to die disappointed." he said, then pulled the trigger.

letters from Hellsing III

I felt a gentle pressure on my leg. The Children! My head snapped up and I found my self staring once again to that little boy’s eyes. He had refused to leave me. When I had tried to hand him through the window to safety, he had screamed and struggled until I gave up and began passing other children through as he clung to my leg quiet and content. He reached out and touched my cheek brushing aside my tears and said "It’s going to be OK.".

I looked at the boy and then over at the little alter. "Trust me" a small quiet voice inside said.
At that instant, the fog in my mind cleared.

I looked back down at the boy and said. "That’s right. Everything is going to be OK!" to him. "Somehow." I said to myself. Taking the boy in one hand and dashing away tears of self pity (never again, I promised) with the other, I strode towards the small closet.

"Everyone come here!" I said in a cheerful voice. The remaining children gathered quietly around me as I kneeled down. "We set off the alarm when we broke that window so the police are on their way" I said. "They will come and save us from these, these..."

"Monsters?" suggested a little girl.

"Yes, monsters. Like in a bad dream. Now, all we have to do is hide from the monsters until the good guys come to save us. OK?"

Small, hopeful smiles and nods. A couple of squeaked "OK’s". They trusted me. Believed what I was telling them must be true. "Dear God. Please let me be right" I thought.

"Trust me." The small voice said.

I slapped my thighs "Alright, huddle up! Here’s the plan" I said gathering them into my arms as best I could. "I want you to go into that closet and close the door. You stay in there, quiet like little mice, until the good guys come to save us. Do not come out until either I or the good guys say the monsters are gone OK?"

"Come with us." said my little boy.

"No. My job is to stay out here and distract the monsters until the good guys come."

"How?"

Damn! "Um..."

"Trust me"

"The bible. I’ll show them the bible and that cross. Everyone knows monsters are scared of crosses because they belong to God and God can beat them up." ....What am I saying?... "So I’ll fight the monsters with this bible until the good guys come. It’s a big bible, it will protect me."... Your raving mad woman... "So come on now hurry, into the closet all of you so I can do my job."

"What’s our job?" Asked my boy.

I smiled at him. "Pray hard for the good guys to get here real soon." I said and closed the door.
I leaned against the door for a moment and glanced at the flag with the cross. "I am not going to let him die." I said "I am not going to let ANY of them die.".

"Trust me"

I ran over to the big podium and began pushing it towards the closet. There was a loud crack and the door to the greenroom was flung off its hinges. With a desperate heave, I shoved the podium against the closet door. I sprinted to the center of the room and cast about for a weapon.
The horrible man was standing in the doorway grinning at me. "There you are my dear. Sorry to have kept you waiting."

I backed up a couple of steps still looking for a weapon and almost tripped over a folding chair. My hand closed over it. Any port in a storm.

"Where are the little ones my dear? My friends are hungry."

I swung the chair up and waived it at him threateningly. His grin only broadened.

"Still some fight left in you? You know you can’t win. Just give up now and I promise to make it almost painless."

I could feel the fog trying to descend again. I did not trust myself to speak so instead I glared at him in what I hoped to be a very brave and defiant "Fuck you" manner. The fact that I was trembling uncontrollably probably did not help.

The man sighed with feigned sorrow and shook his head. "I guess my friends will have to work a little for their supper." Pointing to the closet door he said "Get the ones in there and pull them apart, slowly. Leave the woman alive. I want her to watch."

He flashed the most charming smile at me as the ghouls streamed past him into the room. "Come here my dear like a good little girl."

I felt a pull towards the door.

"Fuck you!" I screamed in my head again and forced myself to step sideways to block the ghouls' path to the door. I felt a strange power surge suddenly through me. I pulled my arms back and swung the chair as hard as I could across the head of the first ghoul.

He went down like a ton of bricks.

"Good girl" said the voice.

Arms tingling, I swung again hitting the body of the next ghoul. "THWACK!" I hit him so hard the chair bent and his body flew back with a force that knocked down two others of his kind.

"How am I doing this?" I thought. "I am not that strong."

That Strange power began to well up in me again. Flowing through every part of me, singing in my soul.

"Trust me"

"Ah!" Without even looking I reached out, grabbed another chair, and held it ready.

The man applauded. "Bravo! Very good! Very good! I like my food with a little fight but come now my dear, that’s enough. You could get injured and I don’t want to waste a drop of you. There is no one left who can save you. Drop the chair and come here now!"

There was no fog this time. I felt no compulsion to obey. I was still terribly afraid but I could feel this power flowing through me and I could hear that voice whispering 'trust me' and I did.

I locked eyes with the man, shook my head, and smiled.

He seemed puzzled and annoyed.

"Have it your way then. Kill her!" he growled and snapped his fingers. The ghouls who had stood swaying gently back and forth while the man spoke, turned as one and began to shuffle towards me en mass.

"This is it" I thought.

"Trust me"

"Thy will be done" I whispered. I took a deep breath and began swinging.