It took exactly two days for Alucard to figure out Walter was helping me. We were playing the “Lady or the Tiger” game again in which I had to choose between unknown horrors behind two illusionary doors, neither of which would be pleasant for me but one of which would, supposedly, be less painful and easier to defeat than the other. He liked this game because I always lost.
“Well?” Said Alucard as I stood concentrating on the scrabbling sounds which seemed to be emanating from behind one of the doors. I just knew there were rats in there. “I’m waiting.”
I knew if I took too long or refused to move he would just start slamming me into the wall or suffocating me until I gave in and picked a door. I looked at both doors again, thinking about what Walter had told me earlier that day....
“Alucard does not play fair. You can never truly beat him, especially not on his terms.” He said as we meandered through the training maze. A series of connected open air “rooms” in which the men practiced “neutralizing the non-living in a close quarters setting” We were inspecting the targets to be sure they were all operational.
“What you have to decide,” he said, testing the pop-up mechanism on a particularly grizzly looking ghoul target, “is whether you are willing to continue to play on his terms. New spring needed on number thirty seven.”
“I can’t just quit.” I said in a muffled voice through layers of wool. Walter had agreed to take me outside but had insisted on swathing me in several layers of clothing commenting that it was ‘a bit nippy out.’. I had pulled off my gloves because I could not handle the clipboard he had given me to tick off the targets but I dared not unwind the scarf lest I earn a disapproving stare.
“Not quit, certainly. Quitting would be foolish at this point. Targets thirty eight and thirty nine fine. No, you just have to decide on the terms under which you will continue.”
“I’m not sure I follow.” I said, trailing after him clumsily.
“Look.” He said pulling out a screwdriver and going to work on a target. “You agreed to play his game but no one said you have to play by his rules. These are such a nuisance. Would you push up against this side of the target for me please?”
I leaned up against the target and cast a wary look at the grey sky overhead. “You see,” he continued, “the point is not just to see if you can fight your way out of a dangerous situation but to try and avoid that situation in the first place. Just because an enemy lays a trap for you does not mean you have to walk into it. There, that’s done it. Number forty fine.”
I ticked off the target and trotted after him into the next room, almost crashing into him when he stopped just inside the next doorway.
“So, I am allowed to think outside of the box.”
“Not just think outside it but dismantle it. Destroy it, if possible.”
“I’ve tried not choosing but he just keeps hurting me until I do.”
“Yes, he would.” Walter mused. “He hurts you if you refuse to play or if you let your guard down?”
“Yes.”
“So, you must always play and you must never let your guard down.”
“But it really hurts.”
“I know and I am sorry but pain is an extremely effective way to learn to keep up your defenses.”
"What if I’m not strong enough Walter?’
“Of course your strong enough. He wouldn’t waste this much time on you otherwise.”
“But what if I’m not?”
He stopped and looked at me. “Then you will probably go insane.”
“Oh, well, that’s comforting.”
“You did ask.”
“Yes I did, didn’t I?”
He smiled slightly. “I doubt it will come to that. He’s simply trying to push you. Force you into going on the offensive.”
“To defy him?”
“To defy his rules. To challenge him. To try, as I said, to destroy the box.”
“I’m not sure I’m strong enough to destroy it.”
“Perhaps not yet. But you are more than capable of thinking outside of it. Perhaps even stepping around it. Targets forty one through fifty three fine.” He said walking on to the next room while I tried to untangle my clipboard from my scarf....
“Are we sleeping Angel?” Asked Alucard. “Perhaps I can offer you some incentive?” He began raising his finger.
“No! Really! Ooof! Ow! Not necessary, thank you. I’ll be right with you.” I said picking myself off of the floor.
I looked once more at the doors. Of course! How stupid of me.
“OK, I’m ready to choose.” I said looking up at him and smiling as sweetly as I could.
I stepped forward towards the doors then quickly, without hesitation, walked between them , then past them, then over to my chair and sat down.
He narrowed his eyes at me. “What do you think you are doing?”
“You told me to choose. I chose.”
“You were supposed to choose a door.”
“You said the goal of the game was to choose the door I thought would get me out of danger the most quickly with the least amount of pain, so I did.”
“You did not pick a door. Go back and choose.”
“Both your doors are illusions, not really there, yes?”
“So?”
“So was mine.”
“What? Ridiculous!”
“I imagined a third door in my head and chose that one.”
“Now your just being intentionally stupid.”
“Not necessarily. You told me you wanted me to learn not only how to spot the illusion but how to not let it hurt me. What better way to avoid being hurt than to avoid the illusion altogether?”
He stood up looming over me. Placing a finger on my forehead he said. “I think I must have knocked your brain loose when I last hit you. I believe I told you to go back and choose.”
“No. I’m right aren’t I? I’ve figured it out.”
“You are an insolent little chit who should do as she is told.” He said picking me up by the collar, pulling me to within inches of his face and showing me all of his teeth.
“I did do as I was told.” I gasped. “Your just mad because I figured it out.”
“No,” he said releasing my collar and dropping me in a heap at his feet, “your too stupid, too submissive to have tried that little stunt on your own this soon in the game.” He folded his arms and looked at me frowning. “Someone has been helping my little Angel. Helping her play the game.”
I said nothing, just climbed back into my seat.
“Who would help her I wonder?”
I felt an odd buzzing in the back of my brain. Walter had warned me about this. I smoothed out my shirt, placed my hands in my lap and thought about...clouds...
“Police girl?”
....buttercups...
“No, she doesn’t know that trick yet but someone is helping you.”
....palm trees swaying in the wind...
“Which leaves only Sir Integra, who wouldn’t bother and, hmmm, Walter.”
...stone bench in a quiet garden...
He bent down cupping my face in his hand, forcing me to look at him. “Is Walter helping my Angel?” He asked quietly, gently.
A fog rolled into the garden and the birds began to ask “Is it Walter?”.
I bit my lower lip and thought about the sun burning away the fog and a cat scaring off the birds. It worked for about three seconds.
“Nice try.” He said, stroking my cheek and the garden burst into flames and the cat burned to death before my eyes shrieking in pain.
“It’s your fault he’s dead.” Said a voice. “You killed him.” I began to cry.
“You will never beat me at this game.” He said. “Never. Now tell me or I will rip it from your mind. It is Walter, isn’t it?”
I shook with the effort going blank, trying to think of nothing.
“Very well then.” He said and an intense pain shot through my head like a hot spike being driven into my skull. I screamed and fell off of my chair. After about ten seconds the worst of the intolerable pain subsided but I still had a blinding migraine. I uncurled from my fetal position and groped uselessly about for a few moments until Alucard reached down and helped me into my chair.
He knelt down in front of me so that our eyes were level. “Angel, Angel, Angel.” He said gently grasping my upper arms to steady me. “I am not angry with you. I am actually pleased, but much as I admire your initiative, you are not ready for this part of the game yet.” He squeezed my arms firmly. “Walter has done you no favors in teaching you that little trick. His mind was always strong, well compartmentalized. A maze he could lead you down and trap you into then attack you at will. Your mind does not work that way Angel. You are too soft and open for Walter’s tricks. You haven’t the weapons to attack. You hold your memories too dear to sacrifice to win the game.”
He gripped my arms still tighter squeezing them painfully. “No, Angel, you will not attack. You will learn to confuse and deflect. To distract but never attack. Walter is smart and he may be able to help you but you must not emulate him.” He stood up still holding my arms lifting me off my feet again. “You may not enjoy my game but if you try to play Walter’s I will tear your soul apart and leave nothing for the dogs. Is that understood?”
He was squeezing so hard now I thought surely my bones would shatter. I bit my lip until I tasted blood then nodded.
He slowly lowered me to my feet and loosened his grip on my arms. He bent his forehead down to touch mine, his hair falling around our faces like a dark curtain. He whispered, “Ah Angel, you are mine, not his, to teach.” He paused, reaching up with a finger to wipe at the blood on my lip. I sighed relaxing slightly.
It was dark and intimate behind that curtain, not sexual but close, almost spiritual in its communion. The scent of my blood mixed with his scent. He smelled of earth. Not musty or damp but dry and undisturbed like a room full of fired clay pots or an old forgotten grave. Far from disturbing, I actually found his scent and nearness comforting, calming somehow. I breathed it in and sighed again contentedly.
He murmured, “I should punish for your insolence...and for letting your guard down.”
I froze, painfully aware of how easily he had lulled me into total submission.
He stroked my lip a few more times. “But I’m not in the mood. I’ll punish you later.”
I could feel him smiling at me in the darkness. I could not help but smile back. He really was a horrible monster. So why did I like him so much?
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